


These Little Town Blues are Melting Away

by larryscape



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Blowjobs, Bottom Harry, Bottom Louis, Chaptered, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, How I Met Your Mother AU, Long, M/M, Masturbation, New York City, Rimming, Smut, Top Harry, Top Louis, Wait for it, dary, im quite generous to all your preferences, it's got smut don't worry, kind of, this fic is legen, this is a monster fic, you'll seee
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-19
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-13 22:12:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1242475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larryscape/pseuds/larryscape
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis Tomlinson is a New York City businessman who wears a lot of suits, lives with Liam Payne (and Zayn, who doesn't live with them but might as well), and does not settle down. One or more of these things may become untrue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Louis Tomlinson: Successful Businessman

**Author's Note:**

> In the words of Michael Jackson (shoutout for distracting Liam from tweeting Zayn happy birthday that one time), THIS IS IT!
> 
> Shoutouts:  
> Morgan (@morgan_isms) - You are the best friend anyone could have! Thank you for reading so much of this over and helping me along the way.  
> Lexi (@jointzouis) - Thank you for dealing with me 24/7 and reacting to the billion excerpts of this I sent you along the way.  
> Angela (nycziam) - Your username fits this fic very well, and I love you to death.  
> Manda (@yestoleeds) - Thank you for encouraging me at the waaaay beginning of this fic and for waiting so long for it!  
> Yelena (@astrolougy) - Thank you for gracing me with your beauty and charm, along with your extensive knowledge on all things astrology.  
> Ally (@flirtniall) - Hope this fic gives you butterflies. 
> 
> Title from the LEGENDARY Frank Sinatra's "New York New York" 
> 
> Twitter: @ctmytown  
> Tumblr: larryscape.tumblr.com  
> Ask: ask.fm/larryscape
> 
> Let's fucking do this.

**Louis <3 :** _this is bloody terrifying mate_

**Justin Timberlake :** _i love the subway tho! make a friend :)_

 **Louis <3 :** _no thanks li.. ill just stay here with my rape whistle_

 **Justin Timberlake:** _Don't flatter urself lol_

_..._

While Liam got to lounge around the flat with his precious boyfriend, Louis had to go to a job interview, and to make matters worse, he had to take the fucking _subway_.

"It's not that bad," Liam had said to him that morning. "It's actually quite the adventure, right Zayn?"

It seemed to Louis that all of his best friend's sentences seemed to end with _right, Zayn?_ He was no longer Liam, and Zayn was no longer Zayn. They were _Zaynandliam_... or like ... _Layn_ , or something. It was sickening.

If Zayn wasn't so damn cool with his sleek, dark hair and his badass tattoos (not to mention he spray painted that sick mural in their kitchen), Louis would have tossed his ass on the sidewalk, along with the toothbrush and pillow he kept at his and Liam's place.

Aside the fact that Zayn was an all-around good guy, and as much as it irritated Louis to admit it, Zayn and Liam were pretty much perfect for each other. Louis knew it from the moment he walked in on them washing dishes together while singing 'Mirrors.' And now that Louis stops and thinks about it, that's a pretty bizarre conclusion to come to.

Basically, Liam and Zayn (Layn?) were perfect and disgusting, and Louis would never _ever_ allow himself to succumb to that kind of sap ... ever. Louis was his own reflection and did not need to find his mirror (whoa oh).

...

Louis adjusted his baby blue tie, stealing a glance at himself in the screen of his phone. Although he didn't have time to get a hair cut, Louis was able to achieve a professional-looking doo by slicking back his shaggy hair into a gelled-up, clean look. He looked good, as usual, not that he was cocky, but let's just say, the rape whistle was extremely necessary.

Louis had been living in New York City for seven years, and he had luckily never had an encounter with the dangers of the bad part of the city. He came here for the glamour, the business, the business _men_ , and to get away from his homophobic family. The last thing Louis wanted was trouble... and for anyone to scuff up his suit.

With this outlook, Louis had never expected himself to end up on the subway. He barely allowed himself to _eat_ at Subway, for Christ's sake. But here he was.

Louis looked shiftily around the subway car, carefully examining each stranger who boarded at each stop. His stop was not for another twenty minutes, which was a bit ridiculous in Louis' opinion. It was as if god had elongated his route so that he would have to sit in paranoia and discomfort for double the time it would have taken him in his car - his poor, sick baby, who had spent the last two nights in some cold, dark repair garage.

And it's not like he could have taken a cab, because well... Louis was sort of banned from cabs for something completely unreasonable that he does not feel comfortable sharing with others.

"Mind if I sit here?" a woman's voice chimed politely. She was wearing a purple head-scarf and had several multicolored home-made bracelets dangling from her wrist that extended out towards the empty seat to Louis' left. Her apologetic smile indicated that she was probably a very nice lady, but a (large) part of Louis just really _really_ wanted nobody to come within twenty feet of him.

He twisted his mouth in thought before he suddenly shook his head and mentally scolded himself for even considering telling the poor woman no.

"Of course, of course. No problem," he sputtered, gesturing to the spot next to him and trying his best to give the lady a warm smile.

If it wasn't obvious, Louis was your typical city boy, always wanting to be efficient as possible and not really looking to stop and smell the roses. He never really made any friends since he came here unless you count Zayn, who he really had no choice in becoming acquainted with, and his coworkers - except, now those coworkers were no more ever since he got laid off.

But now he was ready to make a new beginning, to start fresh... which was hard when using such an un-fresh mode of transportation.

Seriously, Louis was pretty sure he counted thirty-two wads of gum lining the door frame across from him. He was pretty sure one of the last boarding passengers was a rat. And even if that was false, Louis was _definitely_ sure one was a hobo.

Louis actually felt sort of bad. The homeless man who had slyly gotten himself on the subway seemed almost like a _boy_ , rather than a man. In fact, he might have been younger than Louis. His baggy, beige and red striped pants seemed as if they were scooped up from the laundry basket of an old, retired clown. Draping down beside them was an oversized cardigan with several holes in the sleeves. What topped off this guy's outfit was a hat... but not a baseball cap or a fedora or anything like that. This was what Louis liked to call a Newsies hat, and there was not a doubt in Louis' mind that these articles of clothing were either stolen, scavenged, or passed down from many _many_ generations.

Feeling extremely charitable, Louis stuck his hand inside the inner coat pocket of his suit and shuffled around for some change. He ended up with a five dollar bill, two nickels, and a 1965 penny in the palm of his hand. He used his other hand to grab hold of the metal bar above him and hoisted himself up from his seat. Careful not to let the bumpy course of the subway knock him off his feet, Louis made his way over to the homeless man (boy?) and held out the money in front of his face.

The boy looked up from the clementine he was peeling in his lap. "Hello?" he said, a faint smile present on his plump set of lips. "Why are you giving me money?"

Louis let his eyes widen just a little bit before clearing his throat. "Erm, I just thought you would, uhm..."

"You thought I was homeless, didn't you?" he interrupted, and _boy_ was Louis a douche.

Louis immediately clasped a hand over his mouth and averted his eyes in discomfort. "Oh my god, I am so sorry, mate."

He wanted to disappear and leave the city altogether. Since when does a true New-Yorker fail to recognize the difference between a hobo and a ... hippy? Hipster? Seriously, what was this boy... and why was he laughing?

"Hey, it's fine it's fine," the kid assured through a snicker, clearly amused by Louis' panic. "It actually happens all the time... as sad as that is."

And if it was actually sad, then this non-hobo didn't seem sad at all. He actually seemed quite delighted.

Louis stuffed the cash back in his pocket with shaky hands. He was reluctant to meet the boy's eyes again when he said, "Well, then I think I'll go back to my seat now."

He turned his head back towards his seat, began to take a step, and stopped dead in his tracks.

" _Shit_ ," he hissed at the sight of a woman sitting in his seat with an infant at her breast. The baby was making grabby hands at the bracelets of the woman with the headscarf, and Louis figured he somehow deserved this.

"There's a seat next to _me_ ," the boy sang in an almost mocking tone while patting the black leather beside him.

Without thinking, Louis shuddered. "How could you touch that thing?" he asked.

Harry shrugged, maintaining constant eye contact with Louis for the next few seconds before clearing his throat. "So are you gonna sit or not?" he proceeded, making a show of slowly stroking the seat while raising his eyebrows at Louis.

After letting out a dramatic ' _Ew_ ,' Louis finally sat down next to this stranger, who may not have been homeless, but it did seem like he could have been clinically insane.

"You did it!" the boy cheered, clearly mocking Louis and clapping his hands together. "I knew you could do it, uhm... what's your name?"

"Louis," he answered confidently, automatically extending a stiff arm, which the boy shook firmly. "And yourself?"

He didn't respond right away, and instead, he let a wide smirk take over his face. "Looouuis," he whispered, or practically _buzzed_ considering how low his voice was.

Louis threw him back a perplexed and slightly annoyed look. "What..." he said.

After detaching the peel of his clementine in a single piece and giving a small _Yes!_ in celebration, the boy peered back up at Louis. "It's just a funny name... _Looo weee."_

 _"_ Okay, well thanks -"

" _Loo wee loo weeeeee loooo we -"_

 _"_ You know, when people say _that's my name, don't wear it out?_ That's what you're doing right now."

After performing Louis' name in a G Major scale and then again in falsetto, the kid let out one big sigh and shook his head contently. "What a name."

Turning away from the still unnamed man-boy thing to his right, Louis sat upright and pointed his gaze straight ahead. Within seconds, his view was blocked by a curly-haired head moving in front of him, nearly causing Louis to shit himself. “May I help you?” he said flatly.

The boy grinned before returning to his original position in his seat and extending a limp hand in front of Louis’ lips. “My name is Harry, by the way.”

Eyeing the dangling fingers in front of him with a raised eyebrow, Louis gave a hesitant “Uhmm,” before grabbing them forcefully in his grasp and shaking his hand once more.

“ _Ouch_ ,” Harry squeaked, crinkling his nose in a dramatic wince. “You were supposed to kiss it not squeeze its bones out of their sockets, _jesus_ ,” he whined before making a show of rubbing his hand and pouting his lip. “What is with you and violent hand-shaking, mate?”

Louis responded with a haughty chuckle and a shrug. “First rule of being a successful businessman: Firm handshake.”

Harry nodded consideringly. "So, you're a successful businessman," he echoed. "Working for the man and what not."

Louis narrowed his eyes. "Yeah, sure." He kept trying to look away, but this Harry kid kept looking at him with this smug expression, and Louis couldn't help but grit his teeth. "And let me guess, _Harry,_ you're _not_ a successful businessman?" he queried with a tight smile.

Harry closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Then what do you do, Harry?"

He adjusted his Newsies hat and turned to make eye contact with Louis. _Hmm, green eyes_ , Louis thought.

"I'm an architect," Harry answered. "But, as you may have predicted, I'm not a very successful one... financially that is."

Louis furrowed his eyebrows and hummed. "What do you mean by that?" he asked. His eyebrows furrowed even more when Harry gave him a hint of a smile.

"Well, I am successful," he explained, his words seeming to drag out for miles. "In the sense that I get to live around some of the most iconic buildings ever designed and make my own sketches using their inspiration." Louis had to bite back a grin at that. "But no, I've never really been hired."

Louis nodded, pressing his lips together between his teeth. "You must really love it then." Part of him was punching himself in the gut for instigating such a personal conversation. One with _emotions_ that discussed life _passions_ and all that crap.

"Yes, I do. I'll keep designing even if I end up _homeless_ ," Harry jested, nudging Louis in the ribs lightly.

"Har har," Louis responded bitterly, trying a bit too hard not to laugh.

Harry seemed to take pride in Louis' struggle and beamed directly in his face, so bright and happy it was actually offensive.

"You're weird, Harry the architect."

"Thank you, Louis the successful businessman."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

**Louis <3:** _About to go in interview !!! Wish me luck :O_

**Justin Timberlake:** _Good luck from Li and Zeee :)_

**Louis <3:**rhyming .. _cute. and why is he still there?!? don't you get sick of each other ?_

 **Justin Timberlake:**   _I would never make him dick >:(_

 **Louis <3:**.... _please say that was autocorrect_

 **Justin Timberlake:** it was.. but i guess both statements are true. he's more of a bottom! :)

 **Louis <3:**  _im done talking to you, bye_

 **Justin Timberlake:** ( _Justin Timberlake is typing..._ )

**Louis <3:** _Stop typing. Goodbye Liam !_

_..._

"So, Mr. Tomlinson, you seem to have all the required credentials on file," the employment manager bellowed in a big, projected voice probably meant to intimidate people like Louis.

It didn't work, obviously, considering Louis had decades of experience dealing with hotheaded executives. He knew exactly how to handle himself, which was why the interview was going so well. "Yes, sir, I believe everything should be in order," he replied confidently.

The manager ( _Bill Franklin_ , his name plaque read) nodded slowly with his hands laced on top of his desk. "I believe, with your experience and achievements, that you would be a suitable addition here, Mr. Tomlinson."

Louis balled up his fist to prevent it from pumping in the air.

"Thank you, Mr. Franklin," he said calmly. "I don't plan on being a disappointment."

And with a few more minutes of superficial banter and firm-gripped handshakes, the interview was put to a close, and Louis could return to his home...

Well, after having to take the dreaded subway again.

After that morning's subway trip, Louis had indeed warmed up to the idea of underground travel, but that was only because he had bizarre non-hobo architect baby-face Harry thing to entertain him.

But now he was alone, and it was night time.

Logically speaking, it made sense that the subway would get creepier passengers as night became more prominent. Less people were traveling to their innocent tennis matches and fancy brunches, and more people were on their way to their whore houses and their cannibalistic human shooting ranges. Or that's at least how Louis saw it.

He looked at his phone. _9:47 PM_ , it read at the top of his lock screen, right above the picture of David Beckham in one of his underwear ads ( _Erm... Liam put it there as a joke_ ).

 _9:47_ , Louis thought. It wasn't late enough for all the drunk people his age to crawl their way on the subway, which was good, because he wouldn't want to be tempted to take advantage of a confused, intoxicated boy who came wandering in wearing some all-black, skin-tight outfit. He wouldn't want anyone to accidentally trip into his lap and suck him off or anything like that. Nope, Louis was a proper gentleman, who would never even think of these types of things, no matter how horny he seemed to have been getting.

 _Fuck_ , Louis really needed to get laid. He probably could have blamed his inconvenient arousal on his ( _Uh, I mean Liam's_ ) choice of phone wallpaper, but it never really affected him like this before.  

Louis closed his eyes and let his mind wander. His suit was tight enough to constrain any problems caused by his little friend down there, so he just went for it.

Stealing one last glance at half-naked David Beckham, Louis let his mind do the rest.

Sometime between imagining himself sucking off his all-time favorite footballer and joining in on a threesome with Liam and Zayn (it just popped up out of nowhere, okay), Louis got a glimpse of a familiar face and curly head of hair from earlier that day.

He shook his head and snapped open his eyes, mentally abusing his wandering mind. That Harry kid was practically a stranger, who could have been over five years younger than him, for all he knew. Besides, he didn't seem like the most hygienic of people either.

Louis _really_ needed to get laid.

...

Once Louis had finally gotten home, he was in no way surprised to be greeted by a cozy lump of Liam and Zayn curled up on the sofa.

"There he is," Liam cheered, looking up at Louis with those squinty eyes of his. "How'd it go?"

Louis began taking off his jacket and neatly folded it over the back of the couch. "Well, lads," he shrugged. "You are looking at the brand new international business coordinator of… I don’t really know what I do, but I get a desk near the vending machine.”

Liam jumped up with a booming “ _Yeah, that’s my boy_.” Zayn joined in, and they soon mixed together in a loud chorus of praise.

Basically, Louis was Zayn and Liam’s adopted son.

They spent the rest of the night toasting to unnecessarily expensive wine and pretending to enjoy a vinyl record of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony. Ever since they moved into the city, Louis and Liam felt it appropriate that they develop a slightly obnoxious aura of class and sophistication. Considering Louis made a fair amount of money hopping from business to business, feeding off the slimy flesh of corporate America, he was able to spend a portion of his earnings on a few “necessities,” such as mahogany wine racks and Indonesian ceiling fans. _Liam, you telling me I put the ass in class would probably insult me if I did not have both amazing class and an amazing ass._

“So, when do you move into your big fancy office?” Zayn quipped, only sounding slightly bitter.

Louis snapped his eyes shut, wincing at the reminder that he had to wake up at seven in the morning to catch the subway again. “Tomorrow,” he croaked. “Better stock up on hand sanitizer if I’m gonna take the subway again.”

“Well, you have no choice really,” Liam laughed, raising his glass to Louis before gulping down the remainder of his drink. “No taxi for you after you -”

“ _Liam_ ,” Louis hissed urgently. “Not in front of the Zayn.”

Zayn's eyes went wide, and he let his mouth lift up in a slightly amused smile. "Uhmm."

"I'll tell you later," Louis overheard Liam whisper while walking over to the kitchen to refill his glass.

"You most certainly will _not_ ," Louis yelled after him obnoxiously. He shook his head indignantly, head pointed downwards towards his lap. "You picked an asshole, Zayn."

He saw Zayn beam at him in the corner of his eye. Lifting his head up to face him, Louis could now see just how smitten this kid was at the moment. Shit, he probably triggered something incredibly gross and sappy.

"I picked the _right_ asshole though," Zayn said shyly. Louis wanted to smash his wine glass against his face.

After dramatically wiping his hand over his face, Louis let out a groan. "How do you tolerate yourselves?" he asked, ignoring the contented smirk across the other boy's face. "I mean, honestly."

Zayn shrugged, not looking bothered by Louis' disgust at all. It actually pissed Louis off a bit, because this kid was wearing a leather jacket. He probably rode here on his motorcycle with his spray paint bottles hanging out of his pocket, and he should have been so _cool_ , Louis thought. But here he was, making googly eyes at the mere mention of his lover's name. Disgusting. Unbelievable.

"What about you?" was all Zayn said in response, to which Louis raised his eyebrows in confusion. "Don't you want to find somebody?"

Louis narrowed his eyes and gave Zayn a bitter laugh. "Someone to _shag_ , maybe." he retorted. "Multiple people, actually. Forgot what that feels like, huh Malik?"

The look of pity Zayn gave Louis after that made Louis clench his fists so hard he could have popped a vein in his hand. His lip was legitimately _pouting_ for Christ's sake. "You don't know what you're missing," Zayn sang, closing his eyes blissfully.

And as if on cue, Liam came prancing back into the room, glass of wine in hand. He leaned over Zayn's chair to press a quick peck to his cheek, and Zayn smiled directly at Louis.

Bastard.


	2. Harry Styles: Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry teaches Louis what it means to be a normal human being with a beating heart, and despite his three science courses in primary school, it's all completely new to Louis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are developing, eh?

**Louis <3: ** _im leaving for work.. There are left over scrambled eggs wrapped up in the fridge. Also tell Zayn he snores and I can hear him through the walls, along with other things i won't mention >:// bye bye_

_..._

The morning subway run was different from the afternoon one... and very different from the night one. Instead of elderly men and women or drunken adults in their early twenties, it consisted mainly of people like Louis. People who were commuting to their respective occupations. Respectable, classy, _sanitary_ people.

Although most top-of-the-line businessmen like Louis were probably taking cabs, he still noticed a few suits and briefcases, accessories that always made him feel more at home. He would admire these at every stop, scanning each fabric and designer brand that made its way onto the subway, until ... _polka dot pants? Really?_

His gaze traced the path of this fashion disaster, and he nearly shook his head in disbelief as the pair of pants walked closer and closer to his seat. _No_ , Louis thought. _I am not conversing with anyone who owns black and yellow polka dot parachute pants, nope not happening._

" _Looooo weeeeeeee looo weeeeeeee, it's youuuuu weeee!"_

Louis slowly turned his head to his right, and he was suddenly greeted by bright green eyes.

"Ah."

"Nice to see you, Louis," Harry smiled, extremely chipper for being out and about at seven in the morning.

Louis leaned away from him slightly. "You're wearing polka dot pants," he sneered, hardly allowing himself to believe it.

Maintaining his jubilant grin, Harry looked down at his pants and stroked his thighs with both hands. "Yes, I am. Do you like 'em?" he asked, kicking his feet back and forth like a child on a swingset.

"They're quite loud," he replied, letting his voice soften at the hopefulness in Harry's eyes. "Ye- yes, I like them a lot, Harry. Very cool."

Joining his hands together in his lap, Harry looked back at Louis. "Thanks!" he said. "And I like your suit." Despite his choice in legwear, this boy had exceptional taste.

Louis smirked to himself... not to be confused with blushing. There was no blushing, just smirking.

He cleared his throat, hoping it would somehow put a halt to his wandering mind. "So, Harry, what brings you to the subway this lovely morning?" he asked mid-stretch. He was careful not to let his arm brush up against Harry's shoulder when he lowered it from above his head.

"I was just hoping to get off somewhere more skyscraper-y," he disclosed seriously. "Gonna make some new sketches."

Nodding consideringly, Louis responded with a lingering hum. He didn't quite understand Harry's train of thought if he was being completely honest, but he could appreciate creativity in general. After all, he did spend an awful amount of time at art galleries among pretentious homeowners looking for the perfect painting to compliment their purebred dog's collar. But - to Louis' relief - Harry seemed completely different from these types of people.

"And you?" Harry offered. "I suppose you're on your way to some huge corporate building, yeah?" he asked, somehow managing to not sound judgemental in any shape or form, although - as yesterday revealed - Louis knew Harry probably couldn't stand people like him.

Louis simply nodded, scoping the other boy's expression for a patronizing glare that never appeared. He started to think that Harry never made snap judgements. He was probably the type of person who would never side against villains in Disney films, because they ' _may_ _have been having a hard time_.' This tendency, Louis thought, was why Harry was probably a good person to have accompanying him on the subway.

"Are you gonna be here every day?" Louis blurted, the words spewing out of him like an unexpected leak.

Harry smiled, a dimple becoming prominent in the corner of his mouth. _Of course_ , Louis thought. _He would have dimples, he just would._

"Would that be alright?" he answered with comically elongated vowels. His shaky tone paired with the subtle chuckle in his speech made him seem incredibly quirky. That - along with the bush-baby eyes, the polka dot pants, and the Newsies hat - should have made Harry extremely odd and even unappealing, but somehow it all just worked. Louis had never seen anything quite like him, especially in his cold cold world of suits and fax machines.

Louis basked in Harry's timid smile for a moment before leaning back in his seat and giving him a casual "Yup." Harry visibly relaxed, and Louis couldn't help but snicker at him.

The silence that followed was thus interrupted by the god-awful sound of Louis' stomach. He groaned, realizing it was too loud and noticeable to cover up, and he wanted to crawl to the opposite end of the subway as soon as he saw Harry's menacing smirk. "A bit hungry?" Harry asked.

Louis grunted bitterly with his arms wrapped firmly around his torso. "I had to leave most of the eggs for my roommate and his sop of a boyfriend," he grumbled into his lap.

"Mmm, that must be annoying," Harry said, still slightly amused. "I don't live with anybody, but it would probably bug me too if my roommate had somebody and I didn't."

Louis nearly snapped his own neck while lifting it up to glare at Harry. He let out an involuntary " _Blech_ ," causing Harry to give a confused frown. "That is not where I was going with that, mate," he added.  

Looking slightly wounded, Harry curved his lips into a subtle pout. "So you don't want somebody," he clarified.

"Nope," Louis affirmed easily, shaking his head while looking directly at Harry. "Why... do you?" he scoffed.

Harry's eyes widened a bit, but his shock was balanced out by the faint grin on his face. "Yes? Of course I do," he answered. His eyes narrowed slightly. "Falling in love," he began.

"Please don't start singing," Louis interrupted.

"Falling in love is like... the dream, I don't know," Harry stammered, becoming jittery under Louis' unwavering stare. The poor kid seemed genuinely confused that his childlike views on romance were not shared by someone else, and Louis wanted to pet him...after slapping some sense into him.

He threw the boy a sympathetic frown. "Well, Harry, that's adorable and all, but I'm not too sure that little world of yours exists."

After taking a breath amidst the short silence that followed, Harry shook his head quickly as if he was snapping out of a trance. "No, you're wrong," he said proudly. "Yes it does."

Louis looked at Harry for a moment, absorbing the pants, the hat, the curls, the eyes, the unwavering aura of fairy tale princess. "What are you?" he chuckled, shaking his head incredulously.

Harry shrugged. "Human."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

**Louis <3:** _currently experiencing my first subway performer.. feel like a true New Yorker now x_

**Justin Timberlake:** _ooo tell em to play mine and zayns song <33 send me a vid!!!_

**Louis <3:** _liam...no_

_..._

Considering how exhausted Louis was from waking up at the crack of dawn once more (Seven AM was the crack of dawn for Louis), he allowed himself to sit back in his seat and even enjoy the clumsy tune the man was strumming on his guitar. As he closed his eyes and rested his hands in his lap, he absorbed the buzz of people talking, cell phones pinging, and whatever the hell this guy was playing ( _Was that Hannah Montana?_ ).

For the next five minutes, Louis surrendered himself to semi consciousness, which was only interrupted when he felt a sudden weight pressing down in the seat next to him.

Without having opened his eyes, Louis felt the corner of his mouth raise into an involuntary grin. He only opened them once he heard crumpling paper and felt something warm drop into his lap.  

"What is -"

"You were hungry yesterday," Harry said. "Hope you like Dunkin."

Louis felt his entire face instantly heat up, and he had to pinch his lips together to keep himself from breaking out into a ridiculous, full-faced grin. "Oh," was all he was capable of saying at the moment.

Harry smiled at him. The kind of smile that made Louis worry that he might be able to read every single one of his thoughts.

Feeling like a criminal under inspection, Louis tried to calm his shaky breath before adding on a meek "Thank you, Harry." He peeled back the paper wrapper to release an aroma that just screamed _guilty pleasure_. Bacon egg and cheese on a bagel. Louis would have to go to the gym the next day, but he figured it was worth it.

"No problem," Harry answered warmly. "Besides, your stomach was louder than the engine on this thing, and I figured we all could use a break from the noise." His playful giggle and teasing smirk was the only thing keeping Louis from smacking the Newsies hat right off of this kid.

"Speaking of noise," Louis started, nodding over towards the blonde kid strumming away in the opposite corner of their car.

Harry followed his gaze and snorted once he saw whom Louis was referring to. "Oh, you mean Niall?" he said through an amused laugh. "He's the best."

"What is he even playing?" Louis asked, narrowing his eyes at the sound of what probably weren't even existing chords.

Harry laughed to himself. "Nobody ever knows," he said with a shrug. "But I think it's poetic. You can tell he's the tortured artist type, you know?"

Louis twisted his mouth before giving Harry an obvious scoff. "Harry, I'm pretty sure he's singing the tune to that Wiggles song... Fruit Salad, is it?"

"Ahh," Harry smiled, closing his eyes as if he was actually enjoying this kid's screeching. "Yummy yummy, indeed."

Taking a bite of his bacon egg and cheese, Louis joined Harry in leaning back and closing his eyes. And if their shoulders pressed up against each other, they could blame it on the bumpy ride.

...

Once Louis had gotten to work, the comfortable sense of warmth and innocence soon faded. Now, with everybody hustling and bustling around in order to make deadlines and impress bosses, he just felt stressed out... and hungry again, despite his lovely subway meal.

In between making copies and answering calls, Louis treated himself to a trip to the vending machine. _You get stressed out when you're hungry,_ he told himself as he dialed the code for a Snickers bar.

Watching the bar drop to the bottom of the machine, Louis noticed a figure in the reflection of the glass. Even with the blurry effect created by the glass, Louis knew he recognized this man standing next to him. If he was being completely honest with himself, Louis had been checking this guy out for the past three days he's been working here. His name was-

"Aiden Grimshaw," the man said, extending a hand between him and Louis. Louis took it in his own and gave him a half-smile. _Firm handshake_ , he thought. And it may have been a coincidence, but Aiden's tight grasp seemed to send a pulsing sensation that ended up in Louis' cock.

 _Eat a Snickers_ , Louis thought while letting go to retrieve the candy bar. _You get horny when you're hungry._

 _"_ I'm Louis Tomlinson," he finally replied while peeling back the wrapper. The first bite was hard to swallow, all pale skin and amber eyes and tight suit and shined shoes, and god Louis probably had some bizarre clean-cut, professionalism kink he needed to get checked out.

Aiden's eyes darkened, his bright smile subtly falling into a smirk. "Well, Louis Tomlinson. I've seen you around these past few days."

Louis quirked an eyebrow before taking another bite from his Snickers. _This kid doesn't mess about_ , he thought to himself, not quite sure if it was turning him on or making him uncomfortable. "Oh yeah?" was all he said in response.

Taking a few steps closer to Louis, Aiden nodded. "You're well fit, Louis," he breathed into Louis' ear, and _wow_ , this guy was pushing the radius quite a bit.

His ego mixed in with all of Louis' discomfort and fear, causing him to relax a bit. He let out a prolonged sigh in order to regain control of his breath.

"Listen... Aiden, I don't really get _involved_ with my co-workers."

"Don't knock it 'til you try it," Aiden replied quickly, and suddenly, any hint of arousal lingering inside Louis had completely vanished.

The thing was... Louis had tried it. He had probably slept with about half his floor back at his previous job, but that clearly didn't end well, considering that's what got him fired. So Aiden could suck a dick... just not Louis'.

Louis rolled his eyes at Aiden, who was still wearing that smirk that made Louis claw at the sides of his suit. "I think I'm gonna get back to work," he uttered flatly before pivoting around on his heels.

He began to walk forward but stopped dead in his tracks once he heard a quiet laugh and felt a firm _smack_ on his ass.

Louis bit down hard on his bottom lip and kept walking.

...

"He did _what_?" Liam snapped, his entire body jolting with emotion.

Zayn groaned. " _Liam._ Stay still, okay?" he huffed, waving his paintbrush in the air.

(Upon his arrival back home, Louis had been greeted by a paint-splattered Zayn Malik capturing a stark naked Liam Payne in the middle of their living room.)

"You heard me," Louis answered, maintaining steady eye-contact with the Mona Lisa hanging on their wall. "Slapped my ass and walked away."

Even telling the story made Louis feel like he had just bathed in a pot of grease and mud and STDs.

Liam hummed with his bottom lip puffed out even more than usual. "So you definitely weren't okay with that?" he asked.

Louis whipped his entire body towards Liam and instantly regretted it once he was greeted by an unobstructed view of his pubes.  

He ducked his head down towards his lap, shaking his head violently as if he just saw a very hairy ghost.

"Why would- uhm, why would I be okay with that, Liam. What the fuck?"

The room fell silent for a moment, only leaving the faint sloshing noise of Zayn's paint brush. Louis refused to look up again to see if Liam had even heard him, so he just sat patiently with his head in his hands until Liam cleared his throat.

"Well, I'm just thinking back to a few months ago," he explained timidly. "It seems like the sort of thing you would like."

Choosing to ignore his shameless nudity, Louis turned back to face Liam. "I am extremely insulted," he huffed indignantly, grasping at his chest before quickly smoothing out the wrinkles in his button up.  "What kind of unprofessional _slut_ do you mistake me for, Liam Payne?"

Zayn snorted before occupying himself further into his mixing palette. (Louis made a mental note to sabotage his painting with a giant penis covering Liam's face.)

Louis snarled at Zayn before whipping around, directing his daggers back at Liam.

"Mate, you do have sort of a history of sleeping around," Liam argued through a chuckle. "Or is this you turning over a new leaf?"

Now Liam was full-fledged laughing, and Louis wanted to spill hot sauce on his exposed genitals. "Insensitive twats," he grumbled before standing up and stomping to his room.

Sure, Louis had a certain _reputation_ or whatever. He liked getting fucked and fucking other men, but who were Liam and Zayn to let that determine how he felt when some asshole decided to assault him in his workplace? What if Louis didn't like the idea of people viewing him as _a sure thing_? What if he knew the boundaries between work and play and wanted people to respect that? To respect him?

What if he was human too, after all?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your kudos & comments are greatly appreciated! Rec this to all your friends and fic blogs, and you will make me the happiest banana in the bunch.
> 
> Twitter: @ctmytown  
> Tumblr: larryscape.tumblr.com  
> Ask: ask.fm/larryscape
> 
> STAY GROOVY :D


	3. Liam Payne: Model

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis grabs Harry's attention with a naked picture of Liam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things get pretty damn cute

**Justin Timberlake:** _Zayn's finished painting of me!!! (img254.jpg)_ ****

**Louis <3: ** _I literally just threw up._

 **Justin Timberlake:** _That was very rude lou, z works very hard on his artwork .._

 **Louis <3: ** _Then maybe you should work as hard on shaving your fucking pubes_

 **Justin Timberlake:** _:( ...ok_

...

"Ooh, naked man," Harry squealed, snatching Louis' phone right out of his hand.

Too exhausted and annoyed to care, Louis just looked on with a faint smile as Harry made the picture full screen.

"This is pretty good," Harry said, his lips pursed together as his eyes carefully studied the picture. Louis couldn't keep a soft cackle from escaping his lips, and Harry turned to look at him with the same serious expression. "Who painted this? Do you know?"

Louis felt the wrinkles becoming prominent beside the corners of his eyes as he tried his best to retain his laughter. "I'm sorry," he said, sighing afterwards to regain composure. "That's uh - it's my roommate's boyfriend's."

Harry nodded before looking back at the screen and pointing to the naked man. "So is this your roommate then?" he asked.

Louis nodded. "Yup. Liam."

Clicking the lock screen and handing the phone back to Louis, Harry hummed and looked up to meet Louis' eyes. "He's quite fit," he said matter-of-factly.

Louis tried to ignore the burning heat pressing up against the inside of his flesh and shrugged nonchalantly. "I guess... if you like the manly man type." Louis couldn’t help but purse his lips, probably looking like a ten year old girl going through her ‘sassy’ stage. Thank god Harry wasn’t looking, because he probably would have seen right through him. It would have all been over, too humiliating to look back on.

"I don't," Harry replied to break the silence, and suddenly Louis could feel his skin regaining it's normal, human-like shade of pink. "I'm more into the petite, _spunky_ types," he added, his lips sinfully smacking around the word 'spunky,’ and wow okay, so much for Louis _not_ looking like a constipated tomato.

"Oh really?" he said, having to push each syllable out of his mouth with great force before coughing into his fist. "Why is- why's that?"

Raising an eyebrow in Louis' direction, Harry gave a croaky “Errrm” from the back of his throat. "I guess it just... balances me out," he explained plainly. Now Louis was the one raising an eyebrow to Harry. "I mean, like... I'm quite easy going I'd say, so if someone were to talk back at me or put me in my place a bit, I guess it would add some razzle dazzle to my life."

Louis snorted. "The ole razzle dazzle, eh?"

"Yeah," Harry confirmed, laughing sheepishly.

His curls dangled forward a bit as he smiled down at the ground, and Louis couldn't help compare him to that song about not knowing you're beautiful that comes on the radio every five fucking seconds. It was by that popular teenage boyband ( _The Wanted, was it?),_ and Louis couldn't stand it.  But anyway ...

"What about you?" Harry asked, catching Louis completely off guard. He was now looking straight at Louis, who was trying his best not to choke on his bacon egg and cheese.

"Idunn realmm haverm tap," Louis mumbled with an entirely full mouth. He giggled and held up his index finger before taking a second to swallow. "Sorry," he said through a loud exhale. "I don't really have a type," he tried again.

He was being honest for the most part, considering he simply just wasn’t picky when it came to a good lay. If the guy was frail and whiny, Louis would fuck him. If he was tall and muscular, Louis would get fucked _by_ him. If he was slightly overweight, Louis would let him rest while he sucked his dick, and so on.

Needless to say, Louis was quite generous to the male population of New York City. While he initially saw no shame in this, he was beginning to realize that it gave license for creepy men to grope him in his office, which (as flattering as it was) was just not okay.

He kept his eyes trained on Harry’s, searching for some sort of sign of disapproval, but the kid was unreadable. “Hmm,” was all that came out of his mouth, and Louis felt a sudden urge to change the subject.

“So how are your… erm… buildings?” he offered.

While Louis scolded himself for being so random and uncomfortable, Harry instantly perked up, clearly gratified that someone had asked him about his architecture.

“They’re great, actually,” he said bashfully. “I’ve been hopping from skyscraper to skyscraper hoping to grab qualities I like from each and add a little twist of my own and just sort of hope for the best, I suppose.” Louis couldn’t bite back a fond grin at the breathlessness and excitement in Harry’s voice as he explained his plans. He had also never heard Harry talk so fast, so he must have been extremely eager to get them underway.

“That’s great, Harry,” he replied sincerely. “I’m sure whatever you design will blow all these other boring lumps of cement out of the water.”

Giving Harry a squinty-eyed smile and even squeezing a hand around his shoulder, Louis took in the boy’s demeanor of excitement and fervor and just prayed to god that he would actually make it someday. Louis barely knew the guy, but he did know that if anybody deserved to have all his dreams come true and live in some fairy tale wonderland, it was Harry.

Harry beamed back at Louis, and his eyes were actually glistening for fuck's sake. Louis was starting to think he actually _was_ a Disney princess, with his blown out pupils and slightly frightening level of optimism. "And you? How's work going?" he asked, looking endearingly hopeful.

Louis' breath hitched a bit, his mind instantly clicking back to what had happened the day before.

"Eh, it's fine," he exhaled. "I work with some really douchey people though." He tried to add a hint of a chuckle to his voice so he wouldn't come off as too serious or pathetic. The last thing he wanted was that concerned pout he knew all too well (shout out to Zayn).

But clearly, as Louis should have anticipated, Harry wasn't too familiar with corporate America. He never worked in an environment where it was almost normal to be an asshole, so Louis shouldn't have been surprised to see that lower lip jutting out and those droopy eyes staring in his direction.

"Why are people being mean to you?" Harry asked softly. Louis began to roll his eyes when he felt a heavy hand squeeze at his thigh.

As if Harry's touch had put him in some sort of trance, Louis felt his shoulders drop a bit, and the imaginary court jester's hat lifted off his head and vanished into thin air. He let out a whiny groan and went to rest his head on Harry's shoulder.

"Aiden Grimshaw," he whined again, feeling much like a toddler telling on the kid who stole his favorite doll ( _Erm, I mean action figure... power rangers, superheroes, manly things, yeah)._

Harry reciprocated the contact by keeping his hand on Louis' thigh and rubbing circles with his thumb. "What did Aiden Grimshaw do?" he asked, sending his minty breath towards Louis' face.

Crinkling his nose at the tickling air, Louis shifted in his seat before giving a response. He wasn't quite sure how to word this.

"He uh... sort of uh," he began, internally rummaging around for the appropriate words. "He sort of touched me inappropriately, I guess."

 _Nice,_ Louis thought. _Way to not sound like an elementary school guidance counselor._

He tried avoiding Harry's eyes by keeping his trained at the floor, but he could practically _feel_ the overly sympathetic frown burning into the top of his head.

"I'm sorry, Louis," Harry croaked into his ear. His soft yet gravelly tone convinced Louis that he could call you ugly and obese and it would still sound sweet and comforting. "Sometimes people see what they want and forget that it's not automatically theirs."

Giving a half-assed smile, Louis looked back up at Harry and shrugged as if you say ' _Well, that's life_.' But Harry didn't seem to like that.

"That doesn't mean it's okay," he added in a more stern, serious tone.

Louis let his lips fall back into a subtle frown. "Yeah, I know," he agreed softly before shifting his gaze back down to the floor. He exhaled slowly while singing "Heeee's a dick" and nuzzled deeper into Harry's neck.

...

Louis spent the rest of his commute wondering if Harry did this for other people he meet on the subway aside from Louis. Was he known as some sort of 'Subway Therapist' or 'The Subway Pillow?' Were there all sorts of miserable city dwellers occupying his shoulder while Louis was at work? Was there possibly such thing as a ... like a ... comfort slut?

Call him selfish, but Louis couldn’t help wanting to tattoo ‘ _Louis’ Subway Companion_ ’ on Harry’s forehead. It wasn’t so much of an emotional dependency as it was a simple comfort that he could feel safe while sharing the commute with dozens of strangers. Or at least that’s what Louis told himself every time he got off at his stop and worried that Harry might not be there the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your kudos & comments are greatly appreciated! Rec this to all your friends and fic blogs, and you will make me the happiest banana in the bunch.
> 
> Twitter: @ctmytown  
> Tumblr: larryscape.tumblr.com  
> Ask: ask.fm/larryscape
> 
> STAY GROOVY :D


	4. Louis Tomlinson: Classic Capricorn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis has found himself left alone with Zayn, which - despite their eventual realization that they will end up being super close friends (yes, don't worry) - becomes extremely irritating extremely fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS WHERE YELENA'S MAGIC COMES IN BRIEFLY

**Louis <3: ** _Why have you left me with him???!_

 **Justin Timberlake:** _My boss called a late meeting! Bond w/ him :)_

 **Louis <3: ** _< gun emoji>_

 **Justin Timberlake:** _louis!!! no violence >:0_

...

"So _Zayn,_ " Louis said tightly.

He sat himself down in the chair next to the sofa, where Zayn was watching TV.

"Sup, Lou," he responded before picking up the remote to turn down the volume.

 _Ah yes. Nonchalance_ , Louis thought. _I can do nonchalance._

 _"_ Oh, you know. Nothin' much just chillin'."

This was already turning into a middle school AIM conversation.

Zayn turned to face Louis with a closed-mouth smile. "Right right, so uhm, how's work?" he asked.

Without thinking, Louis let out a dramatic grunt. _Seriously, is work all people know me by?_

"Still upset over that one bloke, I see," Zayn said through an amused chuckle.

"Alright, we really don't need to talk about -"

"You know, I think it's a good thing," Zayn said with a finger pointed in Louis' direction (Louis was seriously considering biting it right off and swallowing it whole).

"How on earth would it even remotely -"

"Listen listen. Like... old Louis would have enjoyed getting squeezed in the ass, right?" Zayn reasoned, causing Louis' mouth to drop slightly. "He would have gotten fucked in the copy room, am I right or am I-"

" _Wrong_ ," Louis snapped. "Absolutely wrong, what the _fuck_? First of all, you barely know _old Louis_ , considering you and Liam only recently became serious."

"Liam gave me a debriefing when we first got together," he whispered, quickly enough that Louis almost missed it.

"He _what?"_

Zayn waved him off. "It was just a small pamphlet. Moving on."

Louis stroked his whole face with his hand, muttering a soft " _Unbelievable"_ before looking back up at Zayn. He was still giving Louis that closed-mouthed grin, and Louis couldn't take it any more.

" _What_ ," he spat, looking to say anything that would get Zayn to end this philosophical rant before it started. "What do you want from me? Do you want to read my palm or like... know my star sign or maybe tattoo peace signs all over my ass or _what?_ "  

Zayn simply stared back at him, his smile fading and his eyes growing wider. Louis squinted in response, making sure it was clear who was in control here. He blinked once, and Zayn blinked twice, so Louis blinked three times. You could have pierced the tension with an ink needle.

"Classic Capricorn," Zayn scoffed to break the silence.

Louis crinkled his nose and gave Zayn his very best stink eye (He was known for it, actually. Ask Liam.) "No _... you're_ a classic Capricorn," he retorted childishly before pouting down into his lap. He then thought for a moment about what he knew about astrology. He remembered being bored one day and scrolling through his horoscope and seeing a picture of a goat come up. Okay, so he was a goat; he knew that much.

"Sooo you're saying I'm horny?" he snickered, making goat horns with his fingers on the top of his head. "Because I'll have you know that I have an ample supply of dild-"

"You're stubborn," Zayn said seriously, causing Louis' hands to drop at his sides.

When Louis didn't respond with some child-like comeback, Zayn took it as permission to continue.

"You stay guarded, pretending you don’t need praise when you really crumple without it," he went on.

Glaring at Zayn like a kid who had just been put in time out, Louis whipped out his phone and averted his eyes from the man beside him.

After a moment of hostile silence, Louis finally piped up indignantly. "Well _actually_ , Zayn, did you know that Capricorns are also practical, ambitious, dependable, and cautious?" He looked up from his phone to point up his nose at Zayn and add a small _Hmph_ for emphasis.

"What App is that?"

"Mood Horoscope and Period Tracker."

"Ah."

"But the point is," Louis began while pocketing his iPhone. "I realize you and Liam are all about being romantic and making people vomit, but I am not like you."

Zayn shook his head slowly, clearly not believing Louis for one second for whatever reason.

"You could set me up with a seemingly perfect guy and put us in the most romantic location in the city, and it would still not happen. I can assure you."

He looked at Zayn for any sign indicating that he might actually back the fuck off. But - of _course_ \- the kid was practically beaming like a fucking psycho. Louis was genuinely considering calling the cops.

Zayn just winked at him. "Challenge accepted."

...

The next morning, Louis had overslept. Thoughts of Zayn forcing him down and tattooing Nicholas Sparks quotes all over his body had him tossing and turning all night.

He padded frantically through the house, clumsily stepping into each pant leg as he made his way to the kitchen. With no time to make himself a proper breakfast, Louis had to stuff his inside pockets with granola bars. Thank god he could at least rely on a greasy sandwich from Dunkin Donuts waiting for him on the subway.

After aggressively shutting the door behind him, Louis hastened down the block towards the station. He cursed his genes as he looked down at his short legs. They were trying so hard to get him where he needed to go, and Louis couldn't help but feel bad for them - for himself.

Eventually, he puttered quickly down the stairs, skipping every other step before practically leaping down onto the concrete floor. He shamelessly sprinted to the automated ticket machine mounted to the wall across the garage-like area, and he may or may not have knocked over a toddler on his way there.

" _Hello_. _Please press the corresponding button indicating your method of payment_ ," spoke the pre-recorded female voice once Louis pressed the green button.

"Okay, no need to make conversation. Just give me my damn ticket," Louis muttered under his breath. He pressed the button that read 'cash' and impatiently bounced up onto his toes.

_"Great. Please select the time and destination of your ride today."_

Louis fumbled his hand along the touch screen, angrily stabbing at the screen with his index finger while letting out grunts of frustration. "I _hate_ you," he hissed at the machine.

Eventually, a slip of paper glided out of the machine, and the clanging sound of falling change echoed in the empty space below.

"About fucking time," he mumbled, stuffing the change and ticket into his coat pocket before turning around to run towards the car.

" _Have a nice day_ ," the automated voice called after Louis. " _I hate you too._ "

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

 **Justin Timberlake:** _Surprise! You have a date tonight :)_

 **Louis <3:** _uhh not funny liam._

 **Justin Timberlake:** _no really. zayn knew a guy from his drawing class and thought you two wud hit it off!!_

 **Louis <3:** _Liam god damn payne I swear to fucking god_

 **Justin Timberlake:** _he's picking you up at 8 .. maybe try and find your manners before then :/_

_..._

Louis violently clicked on his phone's lock button and stuffed it into his pocket. Unbelievable.

_Unbelievable._

Zayn Malik was a dead man, he really was. Had he no boundaries? Did he think that by saying 'I'm not like you' Louis meant that he wasn't a good artist like Zayn? Was he deaf maybe? Too many globs of paint blocking his eardrums? No. There was no excuse other than Zayn and Liam being meddling romantics, who were so desperate for new couples to double date with. Louis thought about flinging his phone out the door at the next stop, but it was Harry's stop, and Louis didn't want to risk fracturing his skull.

But the thing was.. Harry's stop came, but no Harry boarded the subway.

 _Maybe it was the next stop_ , Louis thought, laughing at himself for his raising blood pressure. _Yeah, duh of course it's the next stop._

It wasn't.

This went on for the next ten minutes. Louis would feel himself panic, tell himself to relax, wait for the next stop, and panic all over again.

Feeling like a complete idiot for scanning each mob of new passengers for obscure pants and Newsies hats, Louis finally gave up hope and whipped out his phone again. Before Louis' first subway ride, he had downloaded random apps to entertain him on his commutes, but he never needed them these past few days. But today was a Fruit Ninja marathon, and Louis supposed that was alright.

By the time Louis got off at his stop, he had three high scores under his belt, so he had that to get his day going. Plus, he had the granola bars to prevent his stomach from growling too much during his meetings, so he'll be fine.

He will be...

...

" _Rotten. Absolutely rotten._ "

Louis winced as he overheard his boss in his office. He was laying down a beating on whatever poor guy was in there with him, and Louis almost felt as if he should put some headphones on or something.

He was shuffling through papers on his desk, trying to keep busy during what had been a shitty day from the start. It was nobody's fault - not even Zayn's - so all Louis could do was work and pray to god not to end up like whoever was being destroyed in that room.

" _If you think you can continue working here with these types of results, then you got another thing coming."_

It's not even like Louis was the one getting ripped a new one, but just the thought of his boss unleashing all that aggression on some poor worker added more weight to the already-heavy gloom resting over Louis' shoulders.

He tried to brush it off, tried convincing himself the guy probably deserved it so he could get back to work. But the second the door clicked open, Louis instantly shifted his gaze towards the middle-aged, slightly overweight woman sulking out of the office, and Louis couldn't even think about work for another second.

His eyes followed the path of the woman, who was taking off her glasses and trying to subtly wipe her eyes before putting them back on. She headed for their floor's mini cafeteria, and Louis couldn't blame her. Not only was he hungry to begin with, but after having to race to the subway only to find that his favorite commuting companion ditched him for the day (not to mention the lack of Dunkin) and then finding out he had a bloody _date_ later that night and finally arriving at an extremely hostile environment where he could get verbally abused at any turn, Louis was definitely in the 'eat your feelings' type of mood.

As a matter of fact, fuck work. It's not like he could focus for even half a second, so why not take a short muffin break? Besides, the poor woman looked like she could use some companionship. If Louis couldn't be somebody's subway buddy today, he could at least be someone's snack buddy.

Without sparing a glance to his boss's office, Louis got up from his desk, pushed in his chair, and strolled on over to the snack area.

"Chocolate chip, yeah? Nice. I'm more of a blueberry man myself," Louis said softly while grabbing a large blueberry muffin from the counter.

For the next few seconds, he heard no more than muffled chewing and a sniffle, so he spun around, muffin in hand, and took a seat next to the woman.

"I'm Louis," he said with a bright grin, hoping to charm his way into seeing the poor lady smile.

She sniffled once more before extending a hand and giving a meek "I'm Joyce. Nice to meet you."

He shook her hand, but she barely made any effort to keep the contact. A businesswoman without a firm handshake. She must have been seriously upset.

"So... Franklin's an asshole," he said plainly, hushing his tone to make sure nobody else overheard.

Joyce instantly perked up, laughing while looking shyly down at her snack. "That's for sure," she said.

Louis nodded before taking his first bite of the muffin. Even though it was probably sitting on that counter since he started working there, it tasted amazing... orgasmic even. " _Ughh_ , it's true. Food does fix sadness," he groaned through a mouthful.

Tilting her head slightly to the right, Joyce gave Louis a hum of confusion. "What kind of sadness do _you_ have today, Louis?"  

He gave her a wave as if to say _Ah, it's nothing_. But after chewing on his second bite of muffin, Louis realized that there was no harm in being honest, especially if it also meant making his first friend at work. "Well, I mean, it has sort of been a rough day, but it's nothing too bad," he offered.

With furrowed eyebrows, Joyce leaned in closer to Louis, showing that she was eager to know the source of his troubles.

Taking this as a sign to go into more detail, Louis leaned in as well and rested his chin on his fisted knuckles. "Right, so I overslept this morning," he began, his voice just as bitter as it had been while he was scolding the ticket machine earlier. "So I missed breakfast, and then -"

"Oh no, that's the most important meal of the day!" Joyce gasped in earnest.

"I know, right?" Louis responded while bobbing his head up and down. "And that's not even the worst part. I could've _had_ breakfast on the subway, but the guy who usually brings it to me was a no show."

Joyce shook her head dramatically in order to show her disapproval. "I cannot believe you have to take the subway, you poor thing," she said.

Louis grabbed at his chest before letting out a passionate " _Thank_ you." He then traced back in his memory to recall what had happened afterwards. " _Oh_ , and I was also informed that I have a date tonight with someone I have never met, and he’s probably some stuck up artist who -"

"Wait wait wait, the date isn't with your boyfriend?" Joyce interrupted, looking genuinely confused.

Now, Louis was probably just as bewildered as she was. "W-whaaat? Wait, what boyfriend?"

"The one who brings you breakfast every morning," she explained as if it was completely obvious.

Louis scoffed as a knee jerk reaction, causing Joyce's eyes to widen. "Harry? Oh, no no no," he chuckled while shaking his head with each 'no.' "We just ride the subway together," he explained.

As if she didn’t fully believe him, Joyce then narrowed her eyes and responded with a hesitant “Oh, okaaay,” which was completely ridiculous, Louis thought. Since when does bringing somebody breakfast make you his boyfriend? Was this elementary school, where the little boy would carry a girl’s books and then be slipping a Ring Pop on her finger the next day to seal the deal? No, _Joyce_. It wasn’t.

He chose not to protest, knowing that somehow the lady would weasle him into explaining every last detail of his and Harry’s relationship, even when there was nothing really to tell. They met a few days ago and developed a nice friendship involving bacon egg and cheeses and sharing their life passions and pet peeves and annoying roommate stories and problems at work and shoulders to rest on and then Harry just didn’t show up ( _How could he?_ ), but it was nothing important.

She must have seen the look of torment overtake Louis’ face as his thoughts hindered his focus, because Joyce was looking at him with that sympathetic frown (you know the one by now). But Louis couldn’t get mad at the older woman, not even for a second, so he just let out a massive exhale and shook his head. “It’s really not what you think,” he said seriously, his voice only trembling slightly.

“Whatever you say, Louis. I just think it might be a good idea for you to realize that -”

“I need to get laid!” Louis exclaimed as if he had just found the cure for cancer. He tilted his head back and grinned at the ceiling. “Yes, _that’s it_ ,” he continued, looking back down at Joyce, who was frozen in a dropped-jaw, widened-eyes state. “No no, really. That’s why I’ve been so weird lately. I must be in a slump or something.”

Joyce’s eyes widened even more, and she started waving her hands frantically in front of her chest. “No no, that isn’t really necessary. I think you could handle this in a much better way. You don’t have to have sex with -”

“Aiden Grimshaw,” Louis hummed while stroking the scruff that covered his chin.

He looked pensively up at the ceiling once more before lowering his gaze across the table. Joyce had her head in her hands.

“What?” Louis snorted as if his idiocracy was not completely evident. “He’s fit.”

Looking around the area for any possible eavesdroppers, Joyce inched closer to Louis. “But Louis, he’s a…” She trailed off, looking almost pained. She then lowered her voice to a nearly inaudible volume before uttering the word “dick.”

Louis rolled his eyes amidst his own laugher. “Okay, _yeah_ , he’s a dick, but he also _has_ a dick,” he retorted. “And he already wants me,” he added, looking as smug as ever with a shameless smirk and a twitch of the eyebrows.

Joyce looked like a disappointed parent, pursing her lips and shaking her head slowly, and Louis would have felt bad if he didn’t see Aiden in the corner of his eye standing at the vending machine.

“Well, Joyce, it has been lovely talking with you. Once again, Franklin’s an asshole, and you are beautiful, and I gotta go get happy again, so I’ll catch you later bye.”

After spitting out his goodbye’s to his new friend, Louis scampered over to the vending machine, fixing his fringe before planting himself a few inches from Aiden.

“Hello, Aiden,” he purred casually.

“Tomlinson,” he answered. He refrained from making any sort of eye contact, carefully focusing on the Reeses falling to the bottom of the machine. Louis cleared his throat nervously, not really sure how to go about this. He had been a bit rusty after all.

He then eyed the candy bar that Aiden was retrieving from the machine’s hollow bottom and mentally slapped himself in the face about a thousand times. _You’re Louis fucking Tomlinson, for Christ’s sake. Get your head out of your ass if you want someone’s dick to go in it, you nervous piece of shit._ And without thinking about it much more, Louis snatched the Reeses from Aiden’s grasp, whipped out his pen from his breast pocket, and scribbled his phone number on the wrapper.

With a haughty smirk and a quiet snicker, Aiden took back the candy bar and stuffed it into his inner coat pocket. “Hope you like bondage,” he breathed passed Louis’ ear before sauntering on back to his desk.

...

 **Louis <3:** _Li, do we happen to have an ample supply of disinfectant at home?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your kudos & comments are greatly appreciated! Rec this to all your friends and fic blogs, and you will make me the happiest banana in the bunch.
> 
> Twitter: @ctmytown  
> Tumblr: larryscape.tumblr.com  
> Ask: ask.fm/larryscape
> 
> STAY GROOVY :D


	5. ?: Louis' Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It hits Louis on the subway that he hadn't been on a real date in probably forever, so he - though he'll deny 'til the death - gets incredibly nervous and ends up having having a minor meltdown involving shaving cream. He's lucky he has two loving, gay parents to psyche him up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the last obnoxiously short chapter. Things get interesting here.

**Justin Timberlake:** _are you on your way home? dates in an hour dont 4get!!!!_ ****

**Louis <3: ** _oh yeah yeah woo cant wait …_

 **Justin Timberlake:** _zayn showed me a pic of him and he’s hot fyi_

 **Louis <3: ** _is he a top or a bottom_

 **Justin Timberlake:** _is that really important_

 **Louis <3:** _liam_

 **Justin Timberlake:** _its really hard to tell actually_

…

The subway had reached the stop before Louis’ when he got the text from Liam. With his mind wandering back and forth between _You fucking idiot, why did you give Aiden your number?_ and _I wonder if Aiden is into crossdressing?,_ Louis admittedly forgot about the date.

But he figured he spent enough of the day dreading it, so he decided to at least think about what he was going to wear. After all, as long as the guy wasn't clingy or ugly, Louis could end up turning this into another hook up, so he should at least look hot.

By the time Louis got off at his stop, he had already put together about eight different outfits in his head. He would have to ask Zayn if he knew where this bloke was taking him, because that affected everything. And he needed to know how tall he was, because he had lifted shoe inserts if he needed a boost, and _fuck_ , it had really been a while since Louis went on an actual date.

" _Nobody talk to me. I need to get ready,_ " Louis hollered as he burst through the door. Ignoring Zayn and Liam's matching set of amused smiles, Louis bolted for the bathroom and slammed the door behind him.

He immediately went for his razor and the cylindrical dispenser of Gillette shaving cream.

"You are the best a man can get. You are the best a man can get," he chanted, narrowing his eyes at himself in the mirror.

He rested his hand at the top of the dispenser, about to push out a dollop of cream into his palm when he caught one more glance of himself in the mirror. _Scruff_ , he thought. _Scruff is sexy._

He could feel a miniature sword fight going on inside his head between two little men named Shaved and Scruff, and he couldn't take it any more so he just pushed down on the dispenser without thinking and lathered his cheeks with the shaving cream.

"Oh, _shit_ ," he cried, frozen at the sight of his own reflection. "I wanted scruff."

Choosing not to process the rumble of voices outside the door, as it was probably ridicule from dear old Mum and Dad, Louis huffed to himself as he grabbed a towel from the rack. He held it up to his face before closing his eyes shut tightly. _Is this really what you want?_ he thought before shutting his eyes even tighter and shaking his head. _Do you know you are probably clinically insane_ , his conscience added.

 _Fuck this_ , he mentally growled to himself before whipping the towel on the ground. He needed help... not just from Zayn and Liam but probably from a therapist as well.

" _Liaaam_ ," he called before whipping the door open, not giving a shit that his face was covered in white goo.

Once he had stomped his way into the living room, he was greeted by a wide-eyed ZaynandLiam, along with a very tall, very well-dressed stranger.

 _Shit_ okay, so Louis just made an ass of himself before the date even started. Of course he comes in raging about like a complete psycho... he _would_. And this guy was _fit_ too. He was tall and broad-shouldered and smooth-skinned and in a _suit_ , for fuck's sake, and he had curly hair and ...oh my god no...

"Wait, _Harry?_ " he gasped, his brain, chest, and other internal organs doing all sorts of somersaults and cartwheels inside him. He raised his hand to his head before letting it fall down to his cheek, and _oh right_ , _I'm covered in shaving cream right now._

"Wait, _Santa Clause?_ " Harry mock-gasped in response.

Louis just whined... like he seriously whined. He was pretty sure there was a choked out sob in the middle somewhere, and he really did not care at this point.

Harry decided to completely ditch him today on the subway. Louis - for some reason - was upset and ended up giving his number to the sleaziest, most disrespectful douchebag in the city. And now Harry was in his apartment... and he suited up.

"Nice to see you too," Harry teased, looking too pleased to be at all offended. "I take it you had no idea I was coming."

Louis just stared at him, eyes drooping into the bags underneath them and lips weighted down at the corners. He slowly pivoted around and walked to the bathroom.

"I think he's very excited," he heard Liam exclaim brightly.

Croaking shamelessly, Louis snatched the towel back off the floor and proceeded to wipe his face clean. _Scruff it is_ … _you pathetic bastard_.

He allowed himself to exhale, realizing that he had an incredibly long day and this was all just him blowing off some steam. Besides, it was just Harry. It's not like Louis had to make an effort to acquaint himself with a brand new stranger. As much as he hated to admit it, he _was_ bothered by Harry's absence that morning, and now he was here, so Louis should just go with it right? It could be fun.

" _Loueh cummon out. Leeyum and I wanna take some pictures of you two_."

He had to get Harry out of there.

After spraying on a shot of Old Spice and gargling a capful of Listerine, Louis prudently opened the bathroom door once more.

He took a deep breath, looking past Liam and Zayn's proud-parents-at-prom-pictures faces and met eyes with Harry.

 _So we're really doing this_ , he thought.

And as if he could read Louis' mind, Harry gave him a dimpled grin and a subtle nod. "You look good," he said smoothly, bringing Louis underneath his arm as he approached him. "Although, I did like the white beard."

Refusing to give off any vibe that any of this was remotely okay, Louis rolled his eyes and shook his head. "We won't speak of it," he muttered before looking at Liam.

He was doing that _thing_ with his eyes. The thing where they practically disappear, because he's smiling too damn much, and Louis seriously had to get out of there before this became an episode of Full House. He refused to look at Zayn, because, well, he already looked like Uncle Jesse, and that would make it all too real.

"You two have fun, yeah?" Zayn chimed with a hint of mischief in his tone.

"Yeah, don't be out too late," Liam added with a smirk.

Harry and Louis humored them with a round of _We will_ 's and _I'll have him home by twelve_ 's, and soon they were out into the hallway.

" _Oh, and Harry, don't let him take advantage of you_ ," Liam called out the door once they started heading for the elevator.

Harry walked beside him, throwing him a nervous laugh and a sheepish smile. Shaking his head apologetically, Louis let out a prolonged sigh, relieved to finally be away from his helicopter parents.

"I'm really sorry about them, by the way," he said, eyeing the floor timidly. "They really don't know how to like... act like normal human beings."

Harry barked out in laughter, causing Louis' eyes to widen as he looked back at the boy beside him. Shaking his head slightly, Harry closed his eyes as if he was remembering something particularly amusing. "Sorry sorry, it's just that like... I know."

"How do you _know_?" Louis inquired hesitantly, completely unsure of what was even being 'known' in the first place.  

They arrived at the elevator. After pressing the button, Harry waited for Louis to pass through the opening door before stepping inside himself.

"I know what they're like," he began, leaning against the back of the elevator while Louis pressed the button marked 'G.' "Because Zayn doesn't ever shut up about his perfect boyfriend, the environmental law student with the _chiseled physique_. I never knew his boyfriend's name, but it turned out to be your naked roommate with the pubes... small world, eh?"

Louis turned around to face him. "Yes, very small indeed. I hardly recognized you to be completely - ... Okay, what the fuck are you doing?"

Harry giggled shamelessly as he stretched and twisted his body along the elevator walls. He was clearly trying to make it so his feet weren’t touching the ground, and he looked like the offspring of an ostrich and a spider monkey.

“It’s bad luck,” he cried, looking down urgently at Louis’ feet as if they were about to burn to a crisp.

Louis blinked twice, standing perfectly still in the center of the elevator while Harry remained between the walls with shaking muscles. “What’s bad luck? Being a mentally stable human being?”

Frantically and with another childish giggle, Harry shook his head. “No no no. Touching the floor in a moving elevator,” he clarified without an ounce of embarrassment. “You’re gonna have bad luck, Louis. Double for also being a non-believer.” Louis opened his mouth to protest and ridicule his date for acting like the monkey in the zoo that none of the other monkeys want to play with, but the elevator had reached the ground floor, and Harry was already back on his feet and giving Louis a smug look and a shrug. “Too bad.”

Rolling his eyes and ignoring the heat pressing at his cheeks, Louis took two steps towards Harry and slid his arm underneath his. They walked out the building, all suited up and linked at the arm, and it occurred to Louis that he had absolutely no idea where they were going.

Not that it was any problem or that Louis judged him for it, but it was made pretty clear that Harry doesn’t make a lot of money. However, Louis now knew that he did have enough money to A) take drawing classes and B) buy a nice suit. But could he afford to take Louis out to dinner? Should Louis be offering to pay? Should he maybe stop thinking so much and fucking talk to his date?

“So, Harry,” Louis chimed enthusiastically. “What have you in store for our lovely evening together?”

Harry sighed with a pleased grin. “Well, we both know I can't afford the fancy restaurants your usual suitors treat you to," he began, ignoring Louis' squawk of a protest. "So I decided to think outside the box."

"Oh boy -"

"But then," he continued abruptly. "But then I realized that, in order to think outside the box, one might also want to look so far into the box that he finds the first thing that fell into it."

Louis stood frozen, eyes widened slightly and his arm squeezing more tightly around Harry's as if it would signal him to get on with it.

"Louis," he beamed proudly.

"Harry," Louis answered impatiently.

"We're going mini golfing."  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your kudos & comments are greatly appreciated! Rec this to all your friends and fic blogs, and you will make me the happiest banana in the bunch.
> 
> Twitter: @ctmytown  
> Tumblr: larryscape.tumblr.com  
> Ask: ask.fm/larryscape
> 
> STAY GROOVY :D


	6. Harry Styles: Louis' Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry takes Louis minigolfing, because he wants to be so cliché that it's not cliché. Everything is fine and dandy until Harry ends up injuring Louis (don't get too excited closet Harry het girls who have a strange obsession with abusive Harry).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (daniel cook voice) HERE WE AAAARE! (did any of you watch that as a kid?)
> 
> this is probably the last chapter im gonna post for a little while! im posting the fic in parts instead of chapters, because the first few chapters are very short as you know.

**Justin Timberlake:** _how's the date going???_ ****

**Louis <3: ** _how's your mom going._

 **Justin Timberlake:** _very well actually thanks :)_

...

"Harry, I can't put the fucking ball with you standing in my way," Louis hissed, his harsh tone interrupted by the involuntary chuckle provoked by Harry's bizarre dancing about the makeshift grass.

Harry kept shimmying about, dishing out all sorts of moves one would see from the chaperones at junior prom: the cabbage patch, the Travolta, even a bit from the Electric Slide. And it would have been slightly endearing if he wasn't blocking the path to the hole Louis was aiming for.

"It's a part of the course," Harry stated simply with his back facing Louis as he wiggled his bum back and forth. "I didn't realize you would be afraid of a challenge, but if you really want me to sto-"

"Can it, sweetheart," Louis interrupted before lining up his putter with the baby blue golf ball. "And watch how the master scores a hole in one."

Now, Harry had moved on to the Hammer Time dance, which was extremely difficult for Louis considering all the lateral shuffling it involved. But Louis was focused and ready, having prepared for this moment with all his hours of playing Wii Sport.

After raising it backwards slowly, Louis eventually swung the putter and tapped the ball into its course and past Harry's sticks for legs ... and then off the course... and then into the miniature stream adjacent to it.

" _Shit_ ," Louis snapped before turning to his right to find a young couple with their toddler walking between them. "Oh- uh, excuse me."

He peered back to Harry, who was shaking with laughter while holding a hand over his mouth. After the family had moved on to their next hole, Harry walked past Louis and cupped a hand around his shoulder. "This ain't no 21 and over mini golf course, love."

Louis let his eyebrows raise and the rest of his face brighten up. "Do you think those exist?" he asked as Harry walked towards the tee.

"I'm sure we could find one," he stated, sounding completely genuine. "Or invent one." The right corner of his lips curled up into a grin, and there was that god damn dimple coming out to say hello.

 _Go away, dimple_ , Louis scolded internally. _Nobody asked you here._

"Yes, please," Louis answered, sounding a bit too excited. "It can have an outdoor bar, right? And different strippers at every hole."

Harry failed to stifle a roar of laughter as he set his pink ball in the center of the black square. "Wouldn't that be a bit distracting?" he challenged before lining up his putter.

"Yes, but only at the holes with male strippers," he explained easily with a waving hand in front of his chest. "That's why we put them at the higher level holes."

Harry snorted. "And then later, we put them in _different_ holes," he added with a waggling of the eyebrows.  

Louis' jaw dropped. " _Harry Still-no-last-name-given,_ you filthy little thing, you!" he gasped with a slightly popped hip. Harry grinned innocently back at him, bum sticking out as he got ready to take his shot.

He simply shrugged, and Louis shook his head to himself as he watched Harry hit the ball into play and - of _course_ \- into the hole.

" _Yes_ ," Harry cheered, pumping his fist into the air. He strutted over to retrieve his ball, and he winked at Louis before bending over to pick it up from the hole. "Good thing there were no male strippers, eh?" he said smugly.

Rolling his eyes, Louis began to walk over to the next hole. He looked back to Harry and threw a "You're just lucky I didn't purposefully try to distract you, unlike _some_ people" over his shoulder.

"It was the first hole," Harry protested once he caught up to Louis. "There would've only been a female stripper. An older, saggier one," he clarified.

Louis winced and even gave a dramatic shudder. "Boobs," was all he had to respond with.

They had arrived at the next hole, and Harry was tapping Louis' bum to get him to step up to the tee. _What a gentleman_.

"Not a huge fan of boobs?" Harry inquired conversationally.

Louis fixed his gaze on the ball and gave a shrug. "I wouldn't say I _hate_ boobs." He looked at Harry over his shoulder. "But I also wouldn't invite them to dinner. I like to remain on a just-friends basis with boobs, I would say."

After taking in Harry's half understanding, half entertained grin, Louis turned to face the tee once more and swung the putter.

This time, there was a plastic hill painted to look like a rocky mountain, which, to Louis' dismay, was steeper than he thought. When the ball creeped up the hill only to trickle back down to Louis' feet, he turned around to frown at Harry. "Why does mini golf hate me?"

Harry tilted his head to the side, eyed the ball touching the tips of Louis' toes, and met Louis' eyes with a serious glare.

"Are you prepared to get extremely cliché?"

Louis shrugged hesitantly as Harry walked towards him. He bent down so that his slicked-back main was at the level of Louis' upper thighs. Raising his eyebrows at Louis, Harry picked up his ball and placed it in the circular divett in the black square of rubber.

"Alright," he chirped before pushing down on the ground with his hands and springing up right into -

 _"Ow, fuck_. Oh my god, _shit_."

\- Louis' nose.  

"Crap, oh my god. I'm so sorry, Louis," Harry cried, clasping a tense hand around Louis' shoulder and bending over slightly to get a better look at him. "I didn't mean to do that. I'm so so sorry."

"Oh, so that _wasn't_ your cliché plan?" Louis quipped into the hand covering his nose. He was bent forward, with one hand resting on his knee and the other tightly wrapped around Harry's bicep.

"I'm sorry," Harry repeated frantically but with a hint of laughter in his voice. "Stand up. Let me get a look at you," he instructed, shifting his hands to each of Louis' shoulders and facing him head on.

Louis lowered his hands to reveal a red, swollen nose with a single drop of blood trickling down from it.

"Oh my god. We have to get you to a hospital."

"Shut the fuck up. No we don't," Louis retorted. But by the time he could protest any further, he was being lifting up by his waste and flung over Harry's shoulder. " _Harry_ , no you aren't doing this," he squeaked. "Put me the fuck down, you fucking _twat_."

Harry answered Louis with a series of hushes and 'comforting' cooes meant to shut him up.

By the time they entered the small hut from which they rented their balls and clubs, Harry had nearly toppled over seven children and one woman with a cane.

" _This man is bleeding_ ," he declared after barging through the door and plopping Louis right onto the front desk.

The young girl in the polo with a name-tag marked 'Jessica' looked back at Harry with wide eyes and said nothing.

Kicking his dangling feet back and forth against the front of the counter, Louis twisted back to look at her. "I'm really fine, okay? Don't listen to this man. I don't even know him."

"That is not true," Harry interjected, throwing Louis a puppy-like scowl. "Besides, he's _bleeding_. Can we at least get 'em a tissue or a tampon or something?"

The girl's eyebrows furrowed before she looked around the room, probably for hidden cameras or Ashton Kutcher or something. "Uhm, yeah," she responded finally. "We've got a tampon dispenser in the ladies' room down the hall."

Harry's gaze followed her index finger, and he looked at her as if she just told him where to find free samples of the discontinued "Tousle Me Softly" by Herbal Essences.

"Come on, Louis," he said, shoveling up the bleeding boy from the countertop and wrapping his legs around his waist.

Louis simply groaned as he was carried down the hall and deposited on the countertop of the women's restroom.

"Harry, is any of this really necess -"

"Shh shh shh, don't worry. You'll be all plugged up in no time."

" _Harry_."

He watched on miserably as this giant man/boy/gazelle thing leapt across the bathroom and deposited a tampon from the metal dispenser.

"Uhm, e-excuse me," a voice echoed from one of the stalls. Harry immediately whipped his entire body around as if he had just been spoken to by a ghost. "Do you think you could pass me a tampon as well, please?" the girl voiced meekly.

Louis felt his cheeks turn beet red and furrowed his eyebrows nervously at Harry, who wasn't even looking at him. Instead, with zero hesitation, he slipped two more quarters into the dispenser and twisted the knob rapidly until another tampon dropped into the palm of his hand.

"Here you go," he said, bending over at the back to reach underneath the stall.

The girl seemed to have successfully retrieved the small package and gave a large sigh of relief. "Thank you so much," she exclaimed. Louis couldn't believe any of this was happening. Hell, he still couldn't believe his date was _Harry_ in the first place. "Oh, and you two are really cute together," she gushed, letting out a slightly nervous giggle that echoed throughout the white-tiled room.

Harry turned slowly back to Louis with a quirked eyebrow and an almost comical smirk.

"He head-butted my nose," Louis deadpanned.

Harry dropped his jaw dramatically. "I was _trying_ to show him the proper way to swing a golf club," he responded indignantly. "You know... the whole stand behind him and guide his hands type of deal."

Harry grinned smugly at the sing-songy " _Aw_ ," the girl gave in response. But Louis was less impressed, despite the miniature Cupid standing on his shoulder and pestering him to get all blushy himself.

"Yeah yeah, we're adorable. Can you please just shove the damn tampon up my nose, so we can go home?" Louis pleaded.

Harry walked back over to settle himself between Louis' legs. "Oh, we're not going home," he corrected while unwrapping the plastic cover. He stared down at the tampon in confusion for a brief moment before pushing at the end with his thumb. "We haven't even had dinner."

...

Dinner was at a hotdog stand. Harry apparently was a regular customer, which led the vendor - Mario, louis learned - to give him a discount.

"I will have a hotdog with ketchup and mustard, please," Harry requested before turning to Louis with a proud smile. "And for my date, a hotdog with..." he continued, looking at louis expectantly.

Louis cleared his throat. "Uh, ketchup and relish, please?" he said meekly.

After a brief pause, Harry began to chuckle, and Mario soon joined in. "Louis, I'm sorry, but this is not some 5 star hotdog stand you might be used to."

Two hands jutted out from behind the cart, a hotdog with ketchup and mustard in the right and a hotdog with ketchup in the other.

"Well, okay then," said Louis as he grabbed his hotdog. He eyed Mario nervously, because well, he was staring at him with a really creepy grin, and Louis felt violated.

"Say, why do you have a tampon up your nose," he said abruptly with a thick Hispanic accent.

Louis whipped his entire body around to face Harry.

"Mini golf accident," Harry interjected, shrugging as if it was a common occurrence. Mario seemed to understand, because he was nodding, eyes closed and lips pursed together.

"Yes, anyway," Louis said, bouncing up on his toes while Harry handed Mario a five dollar bill.

"Right, yes," Harry added. "Well, we should be going. Thank you, Mario. Have a lovely evening, and tell the family I said hello."

Once Harry retrieved his change and engaged in some elaborate secret handshake with his hotdog vendor, he and Louis strode off in the direction of Louis' apartment.

With his hotdog secured in his left hand, Harry used his free hand to grab at Louis' bicep.

"It's Styles, by the way," he said, looking straight ahead.

Louis hummed in confusion.

"My last name."

Louis nodded before letting out a sing-songy "Ahhh."

 _Harry Styles_ , Louis recited in his head. _That's a porn star's name if I've ever heard one._

 _"_ Harry Styles, financially unsuccessful architect who takes drawing classes and befriends strange hotdog vendors," Louis projected in his best announcer's voice.

He met Harry's eyes with a crinkly-eyed, mischievous grin and reclaimed his arm from Harry's grasp. "Tomlinson," he said before easing Harry's wounded expression by lacing their fingers together.

"Louis Tomlinson," echoed Harry. "That's the name of a prince, really."

Louis was very glad he didn't voice his previous porn star comment.

They arrived at the doorsteps of Louis' apartment building, both taking the final bites of their hotdogs. Louis turned to face Harry, letting their hands dangle together in between them.

"Did you want me to walk you up?" Harry offered, his tone shockingly serious.

Turning his gaze up the stairs and then back down at Harry, Louis let out a hesitant "Uhh."

"I don't uh- I don't have to if you don't want," he sputtered with a shrug.

Louis swung their hands back and forth playfully while shaking his head. "No no no. It's just that I know Liam and Zayn are gonna be, well you know..."

"Badgering us about when we're gonna give them grandchildren?" Harry smirked, causing Louis to squeeze his hand tightly, because _Yes, you are perfect, Harry Styles._

"Exactly," Louis beamed. "But I had a lot of fun, despite well... you know," he said, gesturing at the vaginal blocking device jammed up his nasal cavity.

Harry snorted. "That reminds me." Licking his lips in concentration, he reached up and gently removed the tampon from Louis' nose. "I think you should be okay by now," he said before chucking the wad of cotton and blood into the nearby trash can.

Louis crinkled his nose and rolled his eyes. "My hero."

Harry smiled down at him, shoulders shaking with laughter. Louis felt the vibrations transfer through his arm, and he looked down between them at their intertwined hands. He felt his heart stop for a moment as he recalled everything that had happened over the past few days: his conversations with Harry on the subway, his interactions with Aiden, meeting Joyce, tolerating Liam and Zayn. And as if it was suddenly burning his flesh, Louis snatched his hand away from Harry's.

"Sorry," he said abruptly, looking up at Harry with wide eyes as if his hand moved with a mind of its own. "Uhm, so I-"

"It's fine, Louis," Harry interrupted, taking a step back and making Louis feel like a complete asshole in the span of .02 seconds. "I'll see you Monday, alright?"

Exhaling slowly, Louis looked down at his toes. He wanted to say something, _anything_ , that could get rid of that poorly hidden look of defeat lingering on Harry's face, but he couldn't.

Even with a fluttering stomach and a racing heart, Louis couldn't just go against everything he's always believed in just because a cute boy inserted a tampon up his nose. It just doesn't work that way.

"Yeah, Harry," Louis nodded, allowing a faint smile to appear on his lips. "Can't wait."

Harry smiled back at him, thus bringing at least a hint of oxygen back into Louis' lungs. He gave a wave and soon was headed down the street, leaving Louis alone at the bottom of the stairs.

Louis breathed. He was a terrible person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your kudos & comments are greatly appreciated! Rec this to all your friends and fic blogs, and you will make me the happiest banana in the bunch.
> 
> Twitter: @ctmytown  
> Tumblr: larryscape.tumblr.com  
> Ask: ask.fm/larryscape
> 
> STAY GROOVY :D


	7. Harry Styles: Architect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis wants to become a new man. He wants to allow himself the time to actually think thoughts that aren't about Harry's shoulder muscles or ass that he can conveniently fit in his small hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so about that whole not having any more really short chapters... i think this is the last short one. it's okay, though, things are happening. it's all moving along, so just enjoy.

**Justin Timberlake:** _Zayn and I are headed off for brunch.. we tried to wake you but you bit my hand and fell back asleep idk if you remember_

_..._

" _Brunch_ ," Louis muttered to himself after setting his phone back on his nightstand. "Next thing you know it'll be knitting conventions."

Louis was extra bitter in the morning. He also enjoyed talking to himself.

He padded to the kitchen, skipping the pants and shirt in celebration for Zayn and Liam being gone. It only took a brief minute for the wave of memories to come crashing down on him, shattering the bubble of morning grog that had been protecting him.

The first thing Louis felt was excitement, the kind little girls probably felt every time they saw ads for Justin Bieber's 3D Concert Movie (Never Say Never, not Believe).

" _Nuh never say never.... nuh never say never._ "

He lifted his hand to his nose and couldn't help smile at the crusted patch of blood beneath his nostril. He then squinted his eyes after realizing how fucked up that was.

It wasn't until he had settled down with a cup of tea that Louis felt the rush of guilt suffocating his chest. His mind flashed back to Harry's visible pout that appeared when he retracted his hand, and he had a sudden urge to go drown the boy in newborn puppies.

Stupid hand. Stupid reflexes.

Louis shook his head violently, making an attempt to shake any guilt from his conscience. Harry was a big boy; he could handle a hint of an off vibe on Louis' part.

Louis' mind echoed the words _'Big boy_ ," and then Louis was thinking about how bloody tall Harry was. He was _really_ tall... and muscular despite his slender frame.

For crying out loud, he flung Louis over his shoulder with complete ease, and he could probably do so many other things to him without breaking a sweat. But then again, Louis figured he wouldn't mind seeing Harry break a sweat.

Louis frustratedly slammed his mug down on the countertop and scowled at the bulge forming in his black, skin-tight boxers.

As if he was being beckoned to go wash the dishes or take out the trash, Louis stomped over to the couch for a wank.

He tossed his small frame into the air and plopped down onto the leather couch, his feet curling around the arm rest. Lifting his hips up to allow his boxers to slide down to his thighs, Louis let out an irritated groan.

Why must attractive men exist? Why must they win over innocent guys like Louis with their quirky humor and bizarre outfits and then show up unexpectedly at their homes with slicked back hair and well-fitting suits?

Louis wrapped a hand around his hardened cock and indulged in a half frustrated/ half sensual moan.

Why do they have to go on and on about happily ever after to boys who decided it never existed at age fourteen?

He gave his cock three fast pumps before circling his thumb slowly around the head, smearing around a drop of precome.

Why did they have to make boys like Louis question everything they ever thought about romance in the span of one week?

Soon, Louis was bucking up into his palm, letting out short, whiny moans with each thrust. That, along with his heavy panting, was the only sound throughout the entire apartment.

Was this a glimpse at Louis' future? Would he grow old alone? Would he be buried with a hand around his junk? Was it possible that he needed to grow the fuck up and realize that there was more to life than money and random men to -

" _Fuck_ ," cried a voice from door. " _Shit_ , I'm sorry, Lou," Liam cursed with a paper doggy bag held in front of his face.

"Oh, _crap_ ," Louis hissed, irritably tugging up his boxers and springing up from the couch. Although he was fairly certain Liam was still holding up the bag, Louis couldn't bring himself to look towards the door. "Why are you guys home?" he asked with a hand over his eyes ( _If I can't see them, they can't see me, right?_ )

Slowly lowering the bag and setting it on the counter, Liam blinked timidly at Louis. "Uhm, well the place was crowded, so we just ordered to go."

Louis crinkled his nose. This had been an unhealthily common occurrence between him and Liam, but it had never happened with Zayn there as well. But perhaps it had happened plenty of times between him and his old roommates, because he seemed completely unphased.

"I didn't think he'd be that big," Louis heard him whisper to Liam as he pulled his food from the bag.

"I am right here," Louis spat, arms held up in the air defensively. "And what the fuck? Of course I'm this big, you twat."

Zayn lifted his hands above his head and backed away slowly.

"Louis, play nice," Liam admonished with a protective hand clasped over Zayn's shoulder.  

Louis responded with a blasé wave of his hand before stalking over towards to kitchen to join them. "So what did you get for me?" he sang childishly.

While Liam was puttering over towards the cabinets to get something to drink, Louis hopped up onto one of the swiveling stools behind the counter. He twiddled his thumbs together for a brief moment when he suddenly felt a heavy presence looming over him.

He twisted his body slightly and soon faced Zayn, whose expression was a bit less than friendly.

"What the fuck are -"

"Listen, Louis," he whispered, centimeters away from Louis' ear. "The dick I'm getting is a lot bigger than the dick you are getting," he began sharply.

"Are you kidding -"

"And it's also not my own dick, so I would ease up if I were you."  

Louis froze in his seat, mouth agape. He looked towards Liam, who was pouring three glasses of orange juice, and then back at Zayn, whose cold expression had morphed into a subtle smirk. It was then that Louis realized that he and Zayn could be friends.

...

Contradicting his well-established New York City bachelor cred, Louis spent his Saturday evening at home watching “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.” He accepted the fact that he was a complete cliché and clutched his bowl of popcorn against his stomach as if it was a newborn infant.

“Boo,” he yelled at the screen the second it flashed to the Jenner house. _They’re not even Kardashians_ , he would whine to Liam. _What is this show called, Liam. What is it called?_

Except Liam wasn’t on the couch with him. Louis was home alone once again, except this time he was too paranoid to masturbate, making matters even worse. He was stuck alone with a bowl of popcorn, a remote control, and the fucking _Jenners_.

Groaning extra loud when he saw Kendall take up the entire shot (She was a legal giant, he decided), Louis threw a handful of popcorn at the screen for good measure. He hadn’t decided exactly why he hated Kendall the most; she just gave him an off vibe.

After deciding that he couldn’t take one more second of Kendall crying over her failed drivers exam, Louis rolled his eyes and flipped off the television.

He looked at the digital clock on the microwave as he walked into the kitchen. It was 9 PM, and Louis could not have been more ready to go to bed.

The words ' _This is my life now_ ' kept replaying in his mind while he grabbed a box of Cocoa Puffs from the pantry. Back home they were called 'Cocoa Pops,' because England was weird and discriminatory against anything puffy apparently.

He poured out a small mound of puffs, and a small plastic toy dropped down on the very top. Louis could have cried.

It was a red Hot Wheels race car, and Louis beamed at it and took a quick snapshot with his phone.

 _'My night slays yours'_ he typed as the caption for a snapchat to Liam.

He then danced halfway over to the cupboard across the room and allowed himself to glide the rest of the way using the lack of friction his socks provided. He snatched the bottle of vodka sitting dead center on the top shelf, walked back to the counter, and poured it into the bowl of cereal.

"Ah, love my life," he chuckled bitterly before finally letting the first few tears stream down his cheeks. “Shut up,” he muttered to nobody, probably himself...or the faint sound of Celine Dion’s “All By Myself” he swore he heard in the distance.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

 **Louis <3:** _im going to the park_

 **Justin Timberlake:** _the... central one ??_

 **Louis <3: ** _yes im hoping to return a new man_

 **Justin Timberlake:** _wait you're bringing someone home from the park?_

 **Louis <3:** _no Liam_

_..._

Sundays were shit.

The whole world seemed to view Sunday as this day to relax and forget all obligations, but it was actually the day to wallow in misery in anticipation for work the next day.

The only thing Louis would have looked forward to was seeing Harry, but he wasn't even sure if he ever wanted to talk to him again. No, Louis didn't spit in the kid's face and walk out on him, but even subtle body language can make all the difference. And Louis' mind blowing things more and more out of proportion each time he played it back didn't help.

The first time Louis' mind flashed back to Friday night, he saw his own hand retracting from Harry's. Simple stuff, right?

But the next time he played it over, he saw himself freeze for five seconds afterwards with a completely shocked expression. And the next time, he saw himself stomp on Harry's toes and watch him burst into flames as the Devil elevated from the fiery pits of Hell. By now, while strolling through Central Park at 11 AM, Louis was picturing him _self_ wearing a red cape and holding a pitchfork while laughing maniacally in Harry's face.

Unable to shake the self-loathing thoughts racing through his head, Louis trudged along the sidewalk. The crunching dirt beneath his shoes echoed around him, reminding Louis of the copious amount of people who had also decided to go to the park that morning. He saw an elderly couple occupying an old wooden bench beneath a shedding maple tree, and he forged a smile as he passed them by.

The bench next to it was occupied as well, but out of the corner of his eye, Louis could tell that this person was alone.

He half-heartedly glanced to the bench and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the Newsies hat.

Harry sat with a sketch pad in his lap, scribbling diligently with his tongue caught between his lips.

"Harry?" Louis said, bending over slightly to peer underneath the brim of the boy's hat.

He didn't answer, and Louis' intestines went into panic mode. Was Harry actually ignoring him? Was it not even Harry? Was he seeing things?

"Oh, whoa. Hey, Louis," Harry finally said, tugging the earphones down from behind his curls.

_Oh._

_"_ Hiya, Harry," Louis laughed nervously, plastering on a smile that was supposed to be delighted but probably looked borderline serial killer-y. "What's uh- what's shakin'?"

Harry's lips curled into a smile as he raised his eyebrows knowingly. "Why are you being all... twitchy?" he inquired with a chuckle. He watched Louis scramble momentarily before patting the seat next to him.

Coming back into his own body, Louis followed Harry's hand and wrinkled his nose. "How could you _touch_ that thing?"

Harry bit his lip, his eyebrows still raised. "So are you gonna sit or not?" he recited, right on cue.

He then proceeded to rub the wood back and forth slowly, exactly how he had that first time on the subway.

" _Ew_ ," Louis said with an overly-dramatic shudder before plopping down about inches away from Harry. It may have been that Sunday morning grog overtaking him, but Louis couldn't help but shut his eyes and fall into Harry's shoulder. Harry didn’t hate him, which meant Louis could stop hating himself, at least for the moment. All the dread of the past two days left him with a vengeful punch in the face, and Louis felt like he had just given birth to a wrathful demon.

"Tired?" Harry croaked, his voice sounding muffled from Louis' perspective.

Louis nodded, rubbing his forehead up and down Harry's flannel and smiling at the soft sensation. "And hungry," he added.

Harry made a noise of disapproval before grabbing his sketch pad and moving it towards his satchel.

"Wait," protested Louis with a scratchy throat. "What are you drawing?" He snatched the sketchbook from Harry’s hand and sat up straight.

Grazing the coarse manila paper with the side of his thumb, Louis took in the image of a penciled-sketched skyscraper. Its three-dimensional body, along with the impressively consistent array of rectangular windows, practically jumped off the page and smacked Louis right on the nose.

“Jesus, Harry,” he breathed, his eyebrows probably looking more like rainbrows. “This is incredible.”

Despite Harry’s groan in protest, Louis began to flip through the rest of the sketch pad, revealing more skyscrapers of different shapes and sizes with different proportions and additional features, like multiple sets of doors and grand staircases out in front. Louis had no clue someone could sketch so many variations of what Louis simply viewed as colossal slabs of concrete.

“Are all these original?” Louis wondered, turning to Harry with a set of furrowed eyebrows.

Harry shrugged. “Most of them, yeah. Sometimes I start sketching a building, but I change the things I don’t like and put what I think would look better.”

The boy spoke as if he was explaining how to make a pb&j sandwich. Louis stared at him, eyes squinted slightly as if he was waiting for something to radiate off of Harry’s face that would explain everything. He wanted an explanation as to why Harry was living the type of life he was, why he wasn’t designing buildings for some massive international business and making billions.

But Harry didn’t seem to be wondering the same thing at all. Instead, he just sat smiling back at Louis, no deeper thought prominent in his expression, so Louis decided to drop it.

“So uh. I’m like… _really_ hungry,” Louis said with an arm clutched around his belly. He handed the sketch pad back to Harry, who stuffed it into his bag.

Biting back a grin, Harry looked back at Louis and then up at the tree towering above them. “Well, we better get you some food before your stomach disturbs all the birdies, eh?” he answered, springing up off the bench enthusiastically.

Louis followed suit and eyed the tree himself. “Yes, good idea. Disturbing the birds could lead to mounds of bird shit on my new jacket, so.”

“Very charming,” Harry sang before starting down the narrow path of asphalt. Louis followed, and soon they were walking side-by-side, hips bumping every few beats, until they got back to the main streets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your kudos & comments are greatly appreciated! Rec this to all your friends and fic blogs, and you will make me the happiest banana in the bunch.
> 
> Twitter: @ctmytown  
> Tumblr: larryscape.tumblr.com  
> Ask: ask.fm/larryscape
> 
> STAY GROOVY :D


	8. Cheesy Chuck's: Number One Destination for Romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis takes Harry on a early afternoon date(?) to a place called Cheesy Chuck's, which is definitely a cheap, probably unsanitary rip-off of Chuck E Cheese. Antics ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FAVORITE CHAPTER SO FAR PROBABLY! THIS ONE IS THOROUGHLY ENJOYABLE, SO ENJOY IT.

**Justin Timberlake:** _are you still at the park?? can you bring home lunch?_

**Louis <3: ** _no and no_

 **Justin Timberlake:** _where are you are you ok?_

 **Louis <3: ** _im fine mum now go play with daddy_

 **Justin Timberlake:** _oh you call him daddy too?_

 **Louis <3: ** _im never speaking to you again_

_..._

“No, I’m not going in there,” Louis declared defiantly while standing arms-crossed outside the door to the café. “I refuse to be a cliché.”

After indulging Louis in an intense staring contest with the laminated coffee mug on the door, Harry clasped a hand around his shoulder. “It’s okay, Louis. We can go someplace else,” he comforted, afraid that Louis was going to turn around and bite his hand off.

“It’s just so _bad_ ,” Louis whined, frowning at his reflection in the glass. “We deserve better than this, you know?”

“I’m uh… not sure I-”

“It’s just so _bad_ ,” Louis repeated. “What are we, _fanfiction?_

Harry shook his head seriously before grabbing each of Louis’ shoulders. “No no, Louis. We are not - Wait, you read fanfiction?”

“No.”

“What kind of fanfiction do you read, Louis?”

“I don’t read fanfiction, Harry.”

“ _Louis_.”

“Leonardo DiCaprio.”

Harry barked out in laughter before abruptly stopping and looking extremely confused. “Wait, like Great Gatsby?”

“No, like ...just Leo.”

“Leo and who?”

“Leo and … me?”

With narrowed eyes, Harry raised a finger and began to speak before Louis cut him off.

“Okay, it’s not _poetry_ or anything, but it’s good, okay? Yeah, it may not use my actual name, but it’s still _good_...okay?”

Harry blinked.

Louis blinked.

“Okay, remind me to call you ‘ _Your Name_ ’ in bed and ask you how good it is then.”

Louis gasped, loud and dramatic enough for every bypasser to hear. “ _Harry Styles_ , I cannot believe my ears!” He then proceeded to smack the back of his hand against the boy’s bicep and started walking down the street.

Refusing to look back at the fit of giggles following him down the sidewalk, Louis kept his gaze straight ahead. “Keep up, you presumptuous pervert,” he called.

Eventually, Harry returned to his side, attempting to snuggle into his shoulder only to be pushed away by a bitter hand. “Where are we going?” he asked, his tone still fully amused and playful.

Louis snuck a glance at his watch and nodded contently to himself as he saw both the big and little hand line up at the twelve mark. “We’re going to lunch,” he answered, scoffing as if Harry had just asked him who Zac Efron was.

He picked up the pace to a borderline sprint, earning a squawk and a whine from Harry, who was wearing ripped Birkenstocks (bless his hippy heart).

“What’s wrong, Styles?” he shouted breathlessly, dodging a family of four and a young Chinese couple. “Thought you’d be the only spontaneous one, yeah?”

They turned a sharp corner before heading down what seemed like a dark alley. Once they kept running, they reached a ramp that descended down until it reached a glass door that read ‘ _Cheesy Chuck’s_.’

The brick building, compressed between two taller buildings on each side, looked as though it had been abandoned for twenty years, but the lights inside shone through the glass door and onto Louis’ beaming face and Harry’s slightly horrified one.

“You are gonna love it here,” Louis chirped rhythmically before stepping forward to open the door. After swinging it open, Louis stood against it, allowing Harry to walk through ahead of him.  Once they both had entered the small hallway, which was saturated with faded primary colors, Louis and Harry were greeted by a large sign that stood against the back wall.

 **‘ _The Fun is This Way_** ’ read the sign in all colors of the rainbow. Below the bold letters was an arrow pointing to the green door to the right at the end of the hall.

“Louis, where are we?” Harry asked, sounding genuinely nervous as his eyes scanned over the chipped paint and the brown splotches on the carpet.

Louis stared back at Harry. “We’re at Cheesy Chuck’s. Where do you think we are?”

Harry sniffled once before wrinkling his nose in disgust. “I dunno. A crack house? Whore house? … Outhouse?”

“Well, it’s none of those things, _Harold_.”

“My name isn’t short for Harold. It’s actually short for -”

“Nobody asked you, Harold. Now let’s go inside and have ourselves some fun,” he insisted, tugging Harry by the sleeve and pulling him through the door.

The door opened with an earsplitting screech, and Louis and Harry shuffled through it and into a wide open room filled with dust-collecting skeeball machines and half-empty ball pits. Louis beamed up at the indoor playset, his eyes scanning over the foam pillars with climbable nets in between.

“I thought we were getting lunch,” Harry said, leaning in close to Louis’ ear.

Snapping out of his reminiscent trance, Louis whipped his gaze around towards Harry and narrowed his eyes. “We are getting lunch. Ever heard of pizza, Harry?” he spat while gesturing over to the half-lit sign that read ‘ _Party Rooms_.’

Harry raised his hands defensively, and Louis took it as permission to drag him towards the front desk.

“Hey, cheeseheads,” sang the bearded man sitting behind the orange-painted desk. He looked as if he was about forty-five years old, and Louis tried hard not to stare at the helicopter hat doing a poor job of covering his bald spot. “How would you like your fun prepared today?”

Louis gave the man a weak smile before scanning the price board hung on the wall behind the desk. “Hmmm, I think we’ll take one party room,” Louis decided with his head tilted to the side. “And an hour of play,” he added before turning to Harry with a toothy grin.

“Very well,” chimed the man before taking Louis’ twenty dollar bill and fishing around the cash register for some change. “You can go through that door over there, and your cheese greeter will be with you shortly.”

Once Louis had collected his change, he gathered Harry’s stiff body underneath his left arm and began walking towards the door the man had pointed to. “Did you get it?” he chuckled once they pushed through the door. “ _Cheese greeter?_ Like... _cheese grater?_ Brilliant.”

The room was about the size of a large dining room and had a long table stretching from end to end. The walls were covered with ripped wallpaper that had images of animated mice with speech bubbles saying things like “ _Let’s have fun!”_ and “ _Come play with us!”_

“Louis, are you sure this isn’t some twisted strip club of some sort?” Harry asked hesitantly, eyeing the pink feather boas laid out on each chair. “How did you even find this place?”

Louis picked up one of the boas and winked as he threw it over Harry’s head and wrapped it around his neck. “It can be a twisted strip club if you want it to be,” he joked, making a show of licking his lips and raising his eyebrows repeatedly. Harry still looked as though he was being held hostage against his will. “Okay fine. I went on a date here once, and I thought it could be fun and different.”

Harry lowered his head and looked down at Louis seriously.

“Okay, it may have not been a _proper_ date, but it was super fun. Yeah yeah, like we uh...we played with the balls, and -”

“ _Louis_.”

“Well we did play with balls.”

Harry’s eyes widened into an expression of shock and amusement. “Louis, did you meet a _prostitute_ here?” he asked, his tone a mixture of gossipy teenager and disappointed father.

“How on earth do you come to that conclusion? I am _wounded_ by your accusations,” Louis gasped, raising the back of his hand to his forehead.

Harry shook his head incredulously. “Please, you wouldn’t be caught dead in this part of the city if it weren’t for some sweet sweet lovin’,” he retorted with a snort.

Louis scoffed at Harry’s word choice, because there was most certainly nothing sweet about it. The deadbeat worked at Cheesy Chuck’s part-time and couldn’t get off work, so Louis had to get incredibly drunk and stumble his way down into this germ-infested dump. The sex wasn’t even that good, if he remembers correctly. The only sweet part was the over-priced slushie he treated himself to afterwards.

“Okay okay, you win,” Louis surrendered, rolling his eyes at Harry’s judgmental smirk. “I am scum, and you are an angel sent from heaven above.” He then considered breaking out into the chorus of Beyoncé’s “ _Halo_ ” but then decided against it.  

Harry’s smirk became more evident, and his dimple became deeper with each millisecond. “Oh sweetheart, I am no angel whatsoever,” he breathed, leaning closer - and lower (damn his stature) - into Louis’ personal space.

Louis instantly felt his stomach clench and his breath hitch as Harry’s lips got closer and closer. “Harry, are you -”

“ _Hiya, cheeseheads!_ _Is everyone ready for some fun?”_

Harry and Louis froze, locked into one arched unit with Harry leaning over Louis and Louis leaning backwards. The lady’s plastered-on smile faltered a bit as she laid eyes on the two of them, but within seconds, Louis was no longer inches away from Harry and now rushing over to the woman instead.

“Hi there. I’m Louis,” he squeaked, struggling to regain the ability to speak. He waved his hand in a small circular motion, and the lady reciprocated the action with a warm smile.

“Hey, guys. I’m Tessa, and I am so delighted to be your cheese greeter this afternoon. You guys are gonna have tons of fun today. Now, are you ready?”

Tessa’s smile went from child on a swingset all the way to guy who just won the lottery and has spent it all on ecstasy tablets and also happens to be constipated.

“Yup,” Louis replied with an indulgent thumbs up.

Tessa just looked downright psychotic now. “I said _are… you… readaaaaay?_ ”

Louis widened his eyes and stood still for a moment before realizing that this woman was probably going to pop a vein in her eye socket if he didn’t give an enthusiastic answer. He waved Harry over before jumping in the air and pumping his fist and letting out a wild howl. After looking on in confusion for a moment, Harry finally got the hint and joined in with an echoing “ _Ohhh yeah!_ ”

Tessa looked as though all her dreams had just come true.

…

“Not too sure about that pizza,” Harry groaned, clutching his practically non-existent stomach with his hand. His hair fell forward along with his torso as he groaned once more.

“Well, I’m not too sure about your fringe,” Louis quipped before snatching the Newsies hat off his head and stuffing it in Harry’s bag. “You’re gonna lose this in the ball pit if you wear it,” he warned, standing Harry up straight and pawing at the curly mess in front of his forehead. Once he was done fussing with it, he looked at Harry, who was smiling back at him lazily. “Much better.”

Since they were still in broad daylight, unlike the first time Louis had been here, the indoor jungle gym was teeming with children. Louis found himself huffing every other second, watching Harry bend over and coo at little girls in pigtails. What did they have that Louis didn’t? Louis could put his hair in pigtails if he wanted to.

“Okay, so I’ve never actually been in one of these things,” Louis admitted as he slid off his converse, revealing his rather small bare feet.

Harry tightened his mouth as he looked down. “You’re not wearing socks?” he said while stepping out of his sandals. “Don’t you like… hate germs?”

Louis gave him a look. “Well, _you_ aren’t wearing socks either, _John Lemon_.”

Harry formed a gaping oval with his mouth, his eyes practically bulging out of his head. “Louis, please tell me you didn’t just say John Lemon. Please just- no, Louis... Please.”

Louis burst out into a nervous cackle. “ _No_ , I was just kidding. I uh- I…”

“Louis.”

“Let’s just go in the fucking ball pit.”

Louis stomped through the netted entrance of the play area with Harry following closely behind him. The floor was made up of thick, springy criss-crossed netting, and Louis nearly fell over about six times before he could climb up to the second level.

“How many people do you think twist their fucking ankles in this thing?” Louis hissed, looking over his shoulder to make sure Harry was still behind him.

He wasn’t. But a miniature boy echoing the word ‘fucking’ over and over again like a bloody parrot was.

“Uhm… silence,” Louis tried, going for the evil Disney character approach.

“Fucking fucking fucking fucking…” the boy sang on. Louis looked around briefly and then walked away.

By the time Louis had reached the plastic tube he was supposed to crawl through to reach the other side, Harry had caught up to him, giving breathless apologies about being needed to spot children on the monkey bars.

“You have to get on your hands and knees,” Louis said, nodding towards the bright yellow tube.

“Gladly,” Harry purred with waggling eyebrows. He dropped to his knees next to Louis before crawling through to the other side. “Ooh, _Louis_ ,” he called, his deep voice echoing through the hollow plastic. “The ball pit’s over here. Hurry up!”

His heart shamelessly warming with excitement, Louis hastened through the tube and plopped down into a large cluster of plastic balls. Harry was already making ball pit angels in the center, barely wincing as kids relentlessly chucked balls at his torso. Louis almost went to join Harry but quickly decided to join the kids instead.

“ _Owww_ ,” Harry whined after Louis’ red ball smacked him square in the cheek. He jerked upwards, facing Louis from the center of the pit. “Heeeeeey, that wasn’t very nice.”

Louis curled his lower lip involuntarily and started wading towards him, when suddenly all the kids began to cheer and pound balls at Harry even more. Harry squawked in protest, raising his hands in front of his face and kicking his legs like a drowning pelican.

“Hey hey, _children_ ,” Louis yelled. He eventually reached Harry and wrapped one hand protectively around his neck, while the other swatted at flying balls of all different colors. “There is _no need_ for violence here, okay? Like, can we just be cool for a second? Please? … Okay?” The number of balls being thrown gradually decreased until one more blue ball hit Louis lightly in the ass. “Thank you.”

Louis stood with his chest out and his shoulders back as he reached down to help Harry up from his defeated position. Slowly spinning around, making eye contact with each overall-wearing, Dragon Tales-watching kid in the pit, Louis cleared his throat and inhaled steadily.

“Is this what society has come to?” he projected angrily. “Hurting _innocent_ , _oddly-shaped_ people simply for the sake of your own pleasure?”

“I am not oddly-shaped.”

“Yes you are. Stop shitting on my heroic speech,” Louis hissed under his breath.

“Okay. Sorry.”

“Is this what your parents teach you?” Louis continued. The kids looked back with zero emotion in their eyes. One of them was chewing on a yellow plastic ball. “Is this how man will always settle his differences?” Louis bent down to pick up a ball and clutched his fingers around it. “With objects meant to bring joy to the world?”

He looked at the ball before dropping it once more. His last words echoed around the foam pillars and plastic walls until the silence was broken by the sharp sound of Harry’s clapping. Louis closed his eyes and grinned haughtily to himself before he felt the sudden sting of a plastic ball hit the tip of his nose.

…

“You know, you’re really hypersensitive to nose injuries. You should probably get that checked out,” Harry said as he slowly glid the tampon up Louis’ nose.

Louis kicked Harry in the knee from where he sat on the bathroom counter. “Fuck off.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your kudos & comments are greatly appreciated! Rec this to all your friends and fic blogs, and you will make me the happiest banana in the bunch.
> 
> Twitter: @ctmytown  
> Tumblr: larryscape.tumblr.com  
> Ask: ask.fm/larryscape
> 
> STAY GROOVY :D


	9. Zayn Malik: Occupation Unknown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn and Liam (Layne?) go on a double date with Louis and Harry, and Louis is sort of freaking out, because he might actually vocalize the fact that he sees Harry as more than just someone who manages to look sexy in polka dot pants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE PLOT THICKENS
> 
> (appreciate lilo god dammit, youll get your zouis later on)

**Justin Timberlake:** _heyy can u tell harry drawing is cancelled for tonight? zayn just got an email and doesn't have harrys number_

**Louis <3: ** _no problemo payno_

**Justin Timberlake:** _zayn and i were gonna go out 2night since he's free now. ask harry on a double date!!!!!_

_..._

Louis pocketed his phone swiftly, making sure Harry didn't see the conversation.

"So uh, looks like you don't have class tonight," he said.

Harry faced him with a tilted head. "Oh?" he questioned before crossing his legs and leaning back in his seat.

Louis nodded. "Yeah, Zayn got the email. Sooo now you're free tonight!" he cheered with an awkward display of jazz hands.

Harry sighed contently, eyes closed with the brim of his hat tilted downward. "Nice," he buzzed, making the _c_ sound like sizzling bacon, (unlike the cheap, microwaved bacon in his sandwich).

Shifting agitatedly in his seat, Louis searched his mind for the correct words for what he was about to ask. It should have been easy for Louis, the city stud, the _man's_ man, but it wasn't. Not at all.

"Uhm, so yeah. I know it's a weekday, but Zayn and Liam tend to be disgusting eight days a week, so they're going out tonight." he began. It was a good thing his suit was black, because Louis needed it to clean the sweat from his palms. "And they practically begged me to come with them. And I don't wanna go alone, so would you maybe... like... come?"

The hum of the subway was all Louis heard for a seemingly interminable moment until Harry opened the eye closest to Louis. “So, like a double date?” he croaked, causing Louis’ mouth the dry up instantly.

Louis’ eyes shifted back and forth and up and down, looking anywhere that wasn’t into Harry’s eyes. “I uh… I mean I _guess?_ Like, if you want to call it that, I guess we could -”

“Louis, it’s fine. We don’t have to call it that,” Harry interrupted with an amused chuckle. “I was partially kidding.”

Louis immediately retracted his entire body. His mind traveled in a few circles until it finally landed at the spot that was discontent with Harry's last words. Twisting his mouth into a disapproving glare, Louis eyed the sleepy boy next to him. His already pouty eyes were accented with prominent bags beneath them, and Louis just wanted to hand him a teddy bear and sing him to sleep. But that would probably look weird to the other passengers, and unfortunately, Louis didn’t have a spare teddy on him.

“But I want to,” he said finally.

Harry opened both eyes and directed them at Louis. While his lips hadn’t moved from the exhausted pout they sat in all morning, his eyes had woken up in a matter of seconds. “Okay,” he said dopily.

Louis gave him a full-on grin in response, because _why not_ , for Christ's sake? “Okay,” he echoed.

…

“Louis, that is more than okay! What are you talking about?” Joyce burst while slapping Louis lightly on the arm. “You must be really excited, yeah?”

Joyce reminded him of Liam when Chuck and Blair first got together of Gossip Girl.

Shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head, Louis responded with a sing-songy “I dunno,” earning an unimpressed eye roll from his older friend. “ _What_ , Joyce? We’ve only known each other for like a week. You want me to start preparing my bloody wedding vows?”

Joyce looked down at her half-eaten bagel before looking back up at Louis over the rim of her glasses. “I’m just saying. This will be your third date, and I know how much you like him.”

“Says who?” Louis snapped, waving his hand defiantly in front of him.

“Louis, the boy showed up at your house in a suit,” she said as if it was some verbal code for ‘ _Marry this boy, and have him father your children right this second_.’

Louis glared at her with empty eyes.

“He took you to mini golf,” she swooned, clutching her chest and furrowing her eyebrows.

Louis was actually getting extremely uncomfortable. “Uh, yeah. He did, but isn’t that sort of odd?” he asked hesitantly.    

Joyce shut her eyes impatiently. “Louis, nobody _does_ that.”

He laughed to himself while nodding his head. “Yeah, exactly,” he snorted.

“No, Louis. Sweetheart, _nobody_ does that.”

Louis looked at her blankly for a brief moment before dropping his jaw slightly. "Oh."

Her tight smile and raised eyebrows told him that Joyce probably thought he was an absolute idiot. And she would have been right. Harry had been on his mind 24/7, and Louis kept blaming it on hormones when he was fucking twenty-five years old. He wasn't some teenager whose prime goal was to fuck anything that moves, so why did he want to cling on to that excuse so desperately?

"So I should like... ask him out," he clarified, his hands only feeling slightly clammy.

Giving an exasperated groan, Joyce set down her bagel roughly onto her napkin. "You've already been going out, Louis," she huffed.

Using one hand to lift his palm to face Joyce, Louis closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with the other. "Okay okay okay, so like... _boyfriend?_ " The word pushed up against his uvula, making it extremely difficult for him to keep down the danish he had just eaten.

Joyce clasped her hands together excitedly. “Yes. Good.”

“I’m gonna be sick.”

“Good, that means you’re excited.”   

Before Louis could collapse onto the floor in a puddle of nervous vomit, he felt a looming presence standing behind him. He could already tell who it was just by the faint look of disgust on Joyce’s face.

“Hi, Aiden,” she greeted coldly with a half-assed grin. Louis never knew such a sweet woman could act like such a bitch. He loved it.

"Hello, Joy," replied Aiden before pulling up a chair and sitting between the two of them.

Louis' forced smile dissolved into a bitter glare. "Her name is Joyce."

The suit-wearing, amber-eyed man looked back at him with a confused expression before shrugging indifferently. "Okay, anyway. Hello Louis," he said, turning his shoulders so that he was blocking out the woman completely.

"I think I'm gonna get back to work," Joyce chimed in before getting up to discard her napkin. Louis threw her an apologetic frown and wave, and then she was gone.

He eyed the crumbs on his napkin intently, wanting nothing less than to engage in any sort of conversation with the guy next to him, even if he did know how to style his hair and wear a properly fitted suit.

“Hi, Aiden,” he said flatly without looking up from the table. “How are you?”

Leaning in closer and giving Louis no choice but to look up at him, Aiden’s eyes darkened as he lifted a hand to his own neck. He began to massage around his shoulder, a pained look in his eyes. “I’m a bit tense, yeah?” he breathed. “How bout you, Louis. Are you tense?”

Louis wasn’t really. And if he was, it was only because Aiden was _really_ testing the ‘Hot vs. Crazy’ scale.

“I don’t know, maybe a little?” Louis answered, voice shaky and unsure.

Aiden looked please with that answer, indicating that Louis had made a mistake.

“Well, maybe we can help each other out, yeah? Tackle this stress together.” he said with a devious smile that made Louis feel like there were spiders crawling out of his asshole.

"Actually, I'm suddenly feeling a lot better," Louis chirped, standing up and pushing in his chair in a single beat. He grinned at the look of distress that took over Aiden's face and threw a perky "Nice talking to you, Aidy. See you later," over his shoulder as he walked back to his desk.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

 **Justin Timberlake:** _Harry's here!_

 **Louis <3: ** _ahh shit ill be home in 10 minutes please don't like... talk to him_

 **Justin Timberlake:** _it's ok he's distracted by your baby pictures anyway_

_..._

Superb. Louis had been left with a few extra calls to make at work, and now Harry was left cooing at his naked ass and bowl cut without his consent.

On top of that crippling paranoia, Louis still felt nauseous at the thought of what the night would turn into. He had already confirmed with Harry that it was indeed a double date, but now he committed to asking Harry to fucking _go steady_. Maybe Louis should stop making life decisions with strange women in the break room. Maybe he should back out and keep riding the subway until he got to the Bronx, so he could be eaten alive by drunkenly enraged Yankee fans. That sounded ten times better than putting his emotions out in the open. Maybe even twenty times better.

But despite his cowardly urges, once the subway screeched to a halt, Louis' body involuntarily lifted from his seat and followed his nightly route to the apartment.

 

"Harry, if you like his baby pictures, you'll _love_ his bebo account."

After shutting the door behind him and practically leaping across the floor, Louis snatched his kindergarten graduation photo from Harry's grasp.

" _Hey_ , I was looking at that," Harry whined before spinning around to look at Louis. His defiant scowl quickly snapped to a sparkly-eyed smile as his eyes scanned Louis up and down.

"Hello to you too," Louis snorted before spinning around in a circle. "Is this better for your view?" he jested, earning a nervous chuckle from Harry. "You want me to bend over too?"

"Get a room," Liam said as he passed them while slipping on his blazer. Before he could make his way across the floor, Louis grabbed him by the elbow.

"Excuse me, Liam?" he retorted, narrowing his eyes at the bulkier boy. "You're telling _us_ to get a room? Did I hear that correctly?" he asked through an incredulous laugh.

He snickered and pointed at the faint blush coating Liam's cheeks.

"Oh Lili, don't be embarrassed in front of Harry here," he sang while patting Harry's chest. "I've already told him plenty of stories."

After dropping his jaw and knitting his eyebrows, Liam began to speak, but Harry cut him off.

"Yes, it's true. Also, I have a semi-related question," he said before lowering his voice and leaning in towards Liam. "Are you really that big, or was Zayn just being generous with his art?"

As if on cue, Zayn entered the room from the kitchen and turned to Harry before he and Louis answered with a synchronized "Yes, he is that big."

...

"This is really small," Louis hummed, frowning down at his plate.

“That’s ‘cause you asked for the chicken leg instead of the breast,” Liam replied from across the table.

Exhaling deeply, Louis picked up his fork and stabbed at the remaining meat while using his knife to slice it off the bone. “Breasts are weird okay?”

After a rousing chorus of _I hear ya_ ’s and _Amen_ _sister_ ’s, their waitress returned to their booth with a seemingly painful peppy smile.

“How is everything this evening?” she chirped, looking as if she had stilts keeping her eyes terrifyingly wide open. She scanned the booth without a falter in her cheery expression before stopping at Louis’ plate. “Oooh, did ya like that chicken?” she asked, her southern accent becoming prominent. “I loooove the chicken here, but I really prefer the breast myself.”

Louis heard Harry make a choking sound next to him.

“It was lovely,” he answered before pursing his lips tightly together to stifle a cackle.

The girl clapped her hands together. “Oh _great._ I’m so glad. Is everyone done here?” she asked. The rest of the boys nodded, leaning back in their seats and leaving their silverware on their plates and napkins. “Alright, I’ll take your plates and leave you with these dessert menus.”

By the time she was gone, Zayn had draped himself over Liam, nudging his head into the crook of his neck with a tired moan. “You tired, love?” Liam asked softly into his boyfriend’s quiff.

Zayn nodded. “Long day at work.”

Harry and Louis exchanged a look. “Wait a second,” Louis interjected with squinted eyes. “You have a _job_ job?” he asked Zayn, failing to think of a more polite way to phrase his question.  

Zayn groaned into Liam's tight-fitted, navy sweater. "Yeah, but it's a _lame_ job," he sighed, his face an expression of irritability and regret.

Harry leaned in and folded his hands together on the table. His curious frown indicated that Zayn hadn't told him either. "Well, what is it then?" he asked.

Zayn waved him off before leaning further into Liam, who caressed his head softly with a pout.

"Seriously, Zayn," Louis added with a scoff. "You've practically been living with me for a year. How on earth could you keep something like that a secret?"

" _Dude_ , lay off," Liam warned, trying to look intimidating but ending up looking like a constipated puppy. "If Zayn doesn't want to tell you, he doesn't-"

"Babe, it's fine," Zayn interrupted, sitting up in his seat. "Okay, I'll tell you, but you can't laugh."

Zayn looked physically pained as he prepared to speak. Louis' palms were sweating with excitement.

"We promise," Louis and Harry buzzed simultaneously.

Exhaling slowly, Zayn turned to Liam once more for moral support before looking across the table. "I'm ... an entertainer... of sorts," he began.

Louis' mouth shot open. "Oh my god, you're a stripper."

Liam's eyes widened comically, and he started shaking his head frantically.

"No no, I'm uh... a _children's_ entertainer," Zayn clarified, rubbing at his temple.

Louis turned to Harry, who was wearing a horrified expression, and snapped his gaze back to Zayn.

" _No_ , holy shit no, not like that," Zayn said while waving his hands in front of his face. "I'm like a... uh, like a-"

"He's a clown," Liam finished in an exasperated tone.

Louis raised his eyebrows and gasped as Zayn whipped his head around to Liam. "I told you I didn't want you calling it that," he hissed, causing Liam to raise his hands innocently.

"They weren't getting it," he defended, a chuckle escaping his lips.

After slapping his boyfriend on the arm, Zayn looked back at Louis and Harry, who looked as though they had just heard that Manchester United was releasing a nude calendar.

"Yes, so I guess I'm sort of a clown," Zayn gave in. Louis snorted involuntarily but loudly. " _But._ I'm a cool clown, so whatevs."

Louis shook his head with a devious smirk. This was arguably the best day of his life.

"Hey guys, are y'all ready for dessert?" the waitress asked, arriving back at their table with a pad and paper in hand.

After a brief moment of hiding behind the same menu, Zayn and Liam emerged with matching grins. "We'll have the cheesecake," Liam said before sliding the menu to the end of the table.

 _We_ , Louis thought. _So pathetic. Can they not think for themselves? Do they go shopping for Midol together too?_

"And we'll share the sorbet," Harry said.

Louis shot him a look. But once Harry grinned at him innocently with that little froggy face of his, Louis' narrowed eyes soften, and he nodded. "Yes we will."

 

By the time their desserts came, Liam and Zayn were being extremely cliché and feeding each other creamy bits of cheese cake. Meanwhile, Louis was scooping out small spoonfuls of sorbet, brushing knuckles with Harry when they would dig in at the same time.

"Do you like it?" Harry asked with a hint of nerves. "I feel bad now that I like... decided for you. They're sort of contagious," he laughed, nodding to the intoxicatingly adorable couple across from them.

Louis waved a spoon at him. "Oh yeah yeah. Don't worry about it, love," he comforted. The corner of Harry's lips quirked up at the pet name, and it woke Louis up suddenly. With dinner as a distraction, he had nearly forgotten his motive for the evening: to make Harry his boyfriend. Wow, it really sounded terrifying. He might as well have been planning to fight the mafia, and it would have had the same effect.

Finally blinking and taking his eyes off the dazzling boy in front of him, Louis eyed the last blob of sorbet sitting in the bowl. "You gonna eat that?" he asked with a teasing grin.

"Yes," Harry answered. He swiftly scooped up the dollop of sorbet and held it in front of his face, earning an indignant gasp from Louis. "I'm kidding," he snorted before extending the spoon out to Louis' lips.

Louis wrapped his lips around Harry's spoon and swallowed the sorbet with an eye roll. "Your little tricks won't get you in my pants, little boy."

Harry opened his mouth to speak before breaking eye contact with Louis to look across the table. "What?" he asked the two pairs of eyes squinting at him.

"Oh nothing," Zayn said through a cheesy grin. "Just that _Louis_ here is displaying a very new side to him."

"Yes. Quite entertaining really," Liam added with that overly-excited, squinty-eyed, cancer-curing smile of his. "Thank you, Harry."

Out of the corner of his eye, Louis saw Harry wipe a hand down his thigh. Poor guy, Louis thought. This was probably the equivalent to being brought home to meet the parents, except with a lot more sexual references.

"Is he really usually that different?" Harry asked, his cheery tone only faltering minorly.

Louis let his lighthearted aura leave for a brief moment before he caught Harry's eye and plastered on a playful grin.

"I don't think you want to know," Liam said, causing Zayn to laugh and Louis to kick him underneath the table. " _Oi,_ what was that for?" he whined.

"Li, I really have to go to the bathroom."

"So... you're taking it out on my shin?"

"No, shut up. Would you please come with me?"

"What, are we high school girls? Besides, you're being mean."

"I'll go if you want," Harry offered.

"Thank you, Harry, but it just looked like Liam needed to use the bathroom as well... right Liam?"

The second Liam began to shake his head, Louis gave a vicious kick to his ankle.

" _Ffffuu- okay jesus_. Okay, Lou," Liam said, gritting his teeth roughly. "Sorry, baby," he said to Zayn, who had gotten up to let him out of the booth. Before following Louis' quick pace to the restrooms, he planted a quick peck on Zayn's cheek and gave Harry an apologetic shrug. Fuck Liam and his manners.

 

" _Liam_ , don't you dare go to that urinal. I have to _talk_ to you," Louis shouted after his best friend.

Liam turned around, frowning with his knees pressed together. "I have to pee," he replied.

Grunting in frustration, Louis gave him a wave and an "Okay fine. Just pay attention while you're peeing then."

Before another beat passed, Liam's zipper was down, and the room was echoing with the steady hiss of his pee. "Alright. Shoot."

Louis paced over to the sink and sat up on the counter. It was becoming a habit with him. "Right, so I think we all know I have a certain... _reputation_ with men, yeah?"

Liam snorted, which was enough for Louis to continue.

"But I'm not like that anymore, okay?" he continued, his voice cracking on the last syllable of 'anymore.' Feeling a bit too vulnerable for his taste, he bounced up off the counter and strode towards Liam.

"Whoa, mate," Liam chuckled, not having stuffed his penis back into his trousers yet. "If you wanna look, that's fine, but I can guarantee I'm still huge when I'm soft."

"Shut the fuck- oh wow, that is extremely impressive."

"I know."

"So about Harry."

Liam squinted his eyes as he tugged up at his zipper. He grinned manically at Louis in a way that made him step back about five feet.

"W-what?"

"You have emotions," he stated matter-of-factly.

"No I don't. I mean I _do,_ I just -"

"Just ask him out already," Liam said, making a praying gesture with his hands. "It'll be good, yeah?"

Louis scowled at Liam. "Please, you just want your own personal double date slaves to go to brunch with and go to lamaze classes," he accused feistily. "You're bored of single Louis, because he brings you down, right?"

At this point, Liam was laughing at Louis - like full on laughing with distinct _ha ha_ noises. Louis was five seconds away from giving him a swirly.

" _What?_ " Louis snapped, inching his way forward into Liam's personal space with an unwavering glare.

Liam backed away but didn't stop laughing. "It's just - you're so _spunky_ ," he said through a fit of giggles.

Louis froze, and his knitted eyebrows relaxed along with his rigged frown. "Oh," he said, shifting his eyes toward the ceiling.

Liam blinked, easing up on the ridiculing laughter just a smidge. "What, are you too scared to ask him out or something?" he cooed, making a move to rub the top of Louis' head before his hand got swatted away.

"No," Louis answered plainly. "No, I'm- I'm gonna do it."

Liam's eyes lit up, his entire face a hybrid of shocked and thrilled. "Wait, are you serious?" he asked, his eyebrows practically on the top of his head.

Peering up at Liam and then down at the floor, Louis cleared his throat before answering Liam with a timid "Yeah." He then began to panic. "Yeah, didn't you think I should?" he asked, his voice gradually going up an octave. "Were you kidding or something?"

Liam grabbed the top of his shoulder and massaged it as he brought Louis into a hug. "No no, I'm just surprised, alright?" he grumbled into the top of Louis' head. "You really like him, don't you?" he asked, the words rattling around in Louis' tightened chest.

"Let go of me," Louis mumbled, squirming halfheartedly in Liam's grasp.

Liam didn't let go.

"Yes, I like him, okay? I am capable of that emotion," Louis huffed, causing Liam to release the smaller boy and beam down at him with one strong hand on each shoulder.

"Then go get him," he replied, nodding his head towards the door.

Louis eyed the door as if Satan himself was on the other side. "Right. Okay."

"Zayn and I will take the check, and you two go on a walk or something, okay?"

Louis probably would have kissed him if he wasn't leading him into something so bloody terrifying... and if the guy's boyfriend wasn't sitting right outside.

"Okay, yeah. I'm gonna do it," Louis stated, his eyes widening at his own words as if they came from someone else.

"Yes you are," Liam said before patting Louis on the back and extending his arm towards the door.

Louis began to walk towards it before spinning around abruptly. "Liam?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

 **Justin Timberlake:** _Z and i paid and we're headed home!_

 **Louis <3: ** _ok meh im gonna puke_

 **Justin Timberlake:** _just tell him how you feel!_

 **Louis <3: ** _ok_

...

"Harry, I feel like I'm gonna puke," Louis declared. He really didn't know why that was a good thing to say, but he figured Liam knew best.

They were walking together up the sidewalk, and Louis was trying to distract himself by observing each and every lit-up sign decorating the street. He rolled his eyes at the 'eHarmony' advertisement with a painfully happy interracial couple eating salad together. What was so damn happy about salad? Louis asked himself this question daily.

Maybe he and Harry could eat salad together soon, as it is clearly an enjoyable activity to do as a couple.

"Wait, you really feel sick?" Harry asked nervously, slowing down his pace as he turned to Louis. "I can walk you home if you'd like."

Louis blinked in confusion before shaking his head violently. "Oh no no. I mean uh..."

Fuck Liam, honestly.

"I mean I just feel... nervou-"

Louis' phone began to ring, and he exhaled rapidly. He reminded himself to thank whoever was calling for saving his life. He then was reminded that his ringtone was Liam singing ' _Pick up the phone. Pick up the phone. Pick up the phone phone, pick up the phone,'_ and wanted to disappear altogether.

The screen didn't display a name, just a number with the same area code as his.

"Shit, this might be for work," Louis said. He looked up at Harry with an apologetic frown, but Harry waved him off with a look of understanding. "Sorry, one second."

Harry shrugged before stuffing his hands in his pockets and giving Louis a casual "Don't worry about it."

"Thanks, love," he said before sliding his finger along the bottom of his phone screen. "Hello?" he greeted after bringing it up to his ear.

Louis knew from the second the person on the other line spoke that he was fucked. He never should have answered his phone, but of course he did. He was not only rude for taking a call on a fucking date, but he was also downright idiotic, because well...

"Aiden?" he said, sounding completely unsettled. He saw Harry's eyes widen in his peripheral vision. "Yeah, I can't really talk right now."

 _Never fucking call me again_ is what he should have said, but Louis was completely caught off guard. Of fucking course this would happen now, right before he was supposed to sweep Harry off his feet and make him his and all that romantic crap,  _fuck_.

"No, I uh- I can't call you back. I'm really busy...  _No_ , I'm not coming over."

Louis didn't dare look at Harry. He could barely look at him at the end of their first date, so he could only imagine what he looked like now.

"Aiden, I have to go. Yup- yeah, see you tomorrow... Uh huh...  _no thank you_... Okay bye." Louis stabbed at the 'end' button and pocketed his phone forcefully. "I can explain that," he said urgently, the subtle twitch of Harry's lips causing his own voice to wobble uncontrollably.

"You don't have to," Harry replied with a shrug. His body had stiffened noticeably, but his tone displayed no trace of anger or sadness.

Louis frowned at him. "No yeah. That was weird, Harry. It wasn't like -"

"No, seriously. I get it, Louis," Harry assured, raising his hands out of his pockets. "I didn't think  _we_  were like ..."

"I'm not seeing Aiden if that's what you mean," Louis interrupted, probably sounding a bit too frantic.

Harry rolled his eyes but not in a playful way at all. It was the kind of eye roll that said  _You don't have to fucking lie to me, you pint-sized jackass,_ and Louis figured he deserved it... minus the pint-sized part, because he wasn't  _that_ small, okay?

He wanted to scream or cry or do anything that would make Harry forget the last five minutes of their date, but all he could do without making a scene was explain. "I don't like Aiden, Harry. Shit, you  _know_ how I feel about Aiden," he said with a desperate chuckle.

Louis stopped walking, although he sort of wanted to bolt into the street and descend into the ground via pothole. Looking up, he saw that long-running, lit-up sign displaying an ad for the Arctic Monkeys concert, and he realized they had ended up in Times Square. Before he could distract himself with any more pretty city lights, a raindrop fell into his eye.

 _Ah_ , he thought bitterly.  _Getting rejected and walking home alone in the rain. What a lovely cliché._

Reluctantly, he looked back at Harry, whose hair was slowly dampening from the increasing amount of rain.

Before he could defend himself any further, Harry shook his head at Louis. "You don't have to like someone to sleep with them," he said, sending about eight million daggers into Louis' gut.

The rain began to beat down at the top of Louis' head, but he could barely make an effort to wipe the droplets trickling down his face. He couldn't let Harry give up on him, especially because of some creep like Aiden Grimshaw. He just couldn't.

"I didn't sleep with Aiden," Louis stated firmly, practically yelling over the roar of the rain. "I  _hate_ Aiden, you know I do. The only reason he has my number is because I gave it to him the day you weren't there, okay? You weren't there, and I don't know why I was so upset, but I was. And now I feel like a bloody idiot, because I freaked out over nothing, and you're  _here,_ and I am so fucking glad you are. I'm so  _stupidly_  giddy that you're here with me, Harry."

Louis inhaled deeply before spitting out the rain that had dribbled into his mouth. He examined Harry, but he was unreadable. He seemed as if he might have been frozen, and Louis took it as a sign to go on.

"I get that I said some things that made you think I would want to be with a  _billion_  other people, but they aren't true... not anymore at least. And I know we've only met a short while ago, but I just can't stand the idea of you running off with somebody else. Even if they might be less of an asshole than me or more  _artsy_ than me or thinner than me or seven feet tall or even -"

"Shut the fuck up," Harry growled before wrapping his arm around Louis' waist and pulling his entire body in for a tooth-clashing, lip-bruising kiss.

Harry's weight nearly caused Louis to topple back onto the drenched concrete, but the strong arm around his torso assured him that he wasn't going anywhere.

Their lips moved against each other's, sucking and biting and massaging, and Louis was seeing stars. Even literally, with his eyes tightly shut, he could still see blurs of the red and white and purple city lights mixing all together as he hummed into Harry's lips.

The word  _finally_ kept buzzing through his brain, and the pounding rain gave it a steady drumline. Although his hand could easily clench at Harry's sodden curls, Louis' mouth could barely latch on to his lips because of the rain streaming down their skin.

Pulling away briefly with one hand still in his hair and the other tracing over his jaw, Louis looked up at Harry with glossy eyes and swollen-red lips. "Will you be my boyfriend, Harry?" he asked as about a hundred of other excited words and phrases danced around his brain.

Harry nodded for what seemed like a whole minute with a dopey grin taking over his entire face, and Louis wanted to kiss every crinkle and dimple he could find. "Yes," Harry said finally. "Of course, Louis."

They stood there for what felt like thirty seconds but was probably five minutes, staring at each other, pointing out especially pretty or funny signs on buildings, making any bypasser uncomfortable with their incessant kissing... normal couple stuff. Louis felt disgusting, borderline ZaynandLiam-like, and he couldn't pretend to hate it for one second.

Before doing anything else, Louis dragged Harry underneath a covered area, whipped out his phone, and held it out in front of him and Harry. Harry made a confused noise but looked on.

**New Message to: 1-917-555-0341**

_Don't ever fucking call me again. I have a boyfriend now. (gun emoji)_

"Care to do the honors?" Louis asked Harry with a grin.

After snatching the phone from Louis' grasp, Harry added on a ' _and his dick is probably way bigger than yours_ ' before hitting send. "Wonderful," he beamed before rubbing a hand down Louis' soaked blazer. "Now let's go tell mummy and daddy the good news, yeah?" he suggested with a laugh.

And soon, they were off to the apartment, not speeding up on account of the rain but just enjoying each other's company. They argued over whether Liam would be the mom or the dad, and Louis pretended to gush about it being their 'first argument as a couple,' but they eventually both decided that Liam was definitely daddy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your kudos & comments are greatly appreciated! Rec this to all your friends and fic blogs, and you will make me the happiest banana in the bunch.
> 
> Twitter: @ctmytown  
> Tumblr: larryscape.tumblr.com  
> Ask: ask.fm/larryscape
> 
> STAY GROOVY :D

**Author's Note:**

> Your kudos & comments are greatly appreciated! Rec this to all your friends and fic blogs, and you will make me the happiest banana in the bunch.
> 
> Twitter: @ctmytown  
> Tumblr: larryscape.tumblr.com  
> Ask: ask.fm/larryscape
> 
> STAY GROOVY :D


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